DA2Abandon
by Banbha
Summary: Fate is a cruel mistress at times. Marian Hawke had agreed to go on a hunt for smugglers with Knight-Captain Cullen but then a storm happened and now she is shipwrecked with the templar. A mage and templar, alone on the Wounded Coast, what could go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Abandon  
><strong>Chapter One<br>Author:** CelticWolfwalker  
><strong>Game:<strong> DA2  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> F!Hawke/Cullen  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Takes place in the intervening years between Act I and II. This will be a short series.

Marian paced the deck of the small merchant vessel, trying hard not to let the swelling Waking Sea churn the contents of her stomach overboard. A storm was coming, that much she was sure of, as the last time she got this stomach dropping sensation was when her, Carver, and mother took ship from Gwaren to reach Kirkwall. Here she was again, on a ship, asked by the knight-captain to accompany him to find a supposed smuggler's cove that could be reached only by ship. A sudden chill gust made her shiver, making Marian pull the heavy cloak tighter around her.

Why in the Maker's name did Cullen conscript her for this job? Sure, she had gone and dealt with lyrium smugglers before and slavers that were transporting apostates but this was a routine job for templars. Since arriving on the ship, Cullen gave her only the most perfunctory notice before meeting with the ship's captain and going over endless maps. Once under sail, Marian was left alone to do whatever. Cullen kept his distance from Marian, not once did he approach for a friendly conversation, or even to ask how she was faring. Grinding her teeth, Marian thought it was probably for the best. She was something he detested, a mage; a mage that was outside of the Circle's walls and beyond reach of the templar's because of her status in Kirkwall's society.

Money and title had its privileges, Marian guessed but it was a lonely life. In addition, with Carver a newly indoctrinated templar, she had little to be thankful for towards the knight-captain. She and Carver never got along great but still, he was family and her little brother. When Marian came back from the Deep Roads and found that he had joined the order, it knocked the wind out of her. If anything good came from the surly and ungrateful brat, Carver never turned her over to the templar's.

The ship rose and dipped again in a large swell, making Marian groan as her stomach dropped to the deck. "I swear I am never going on another ship after this." She muttered.

"I thought mages had something to help compensate seasickness." Cullen said from behind her, overhearing the complaint.

"If they had, I wish I was taught it!" Marian said in sarcasm. "Then maybe I could walk over water and not have the heaving sea determined to take my lunch."

Despite himself, the knight-captain chuckled. "You shouldn't have eaten two meat pasties, Hawke. It is always best to eat lightly when at sea."

"Oh, thank you, mother, for the wonderful insight on how to travel." Marian rolled her eyes at the templar. "What do you want, knight-captain? You have disdained my company so far, why grace it now?"

"I…" Cullen faltered at Marian's peevish tone. "I wanted to let you know that there is another cove coming up within a half a day's sail. I hope that the rough seas will calm down by then. Squalls aren't known to happen at this time of year; hence it is a good season for the smugglers to conduct their illegal business."

"The Waking Sea is a fickle mistress, Cullen. As well I know from my first visit with her when coming from Fereldan."

"It shouldn't take us long to get to sheltered waters." Cullen tried to reassure Marian. She only sighed and turned her blue eyes toward the growing swells, knowing that Cullen was trying to reassure her about the weather.

The irony of Cullen's words was the squall did come and with a righteous fury. Marian groaned as she stumbled up from below deck, staff helping support her balance on the swaying and plunging deck. Sailors were yelling, only for their voice to get lost in the howling wind. There was a creaking sound followed by a loud crack. Marian looked up and cursed as the main mast broke in half. She dove, or more like floated to the side as the ship rolled violently from a large swell. Her body landed with a slam with a wash of water threatening to drown her on the heaving deck. Marian felt dazed as she attempted to pick herself up, seeing bright spots flicker before her watery sight.

"HAWKE!" a voice carried over to Marian.

Reaching for any passing sailor, Marian was promptly shrugged off as they jumped overboard. Tripping over a coil of rope, another deluge of water threatened to drown the apostate. Marian wiped the sodden dark hair from her eyes and blinked against the pouring rain. Visibility was horrible and she moaned as it looked as she was alone on the broken ship.

"Hawke!" A voice yelled into her ear. "Come on, the ship is taking on water!"

"What?" she turned to look at who was talking and saw Cullen, divested of armor and only in a tunic and breeches.

"Ship is sinking!" he yelled over the pounding rain and gale winds. Grabbing her elbow, Cullen helped Marian stand up from the deck. Marian stumbled as she tried to get her staff to stay upright on the slippery deck. Cullen gave a sound of disgust and grabbed the staff from her hands, tossing it to the side.

"What the fuck?" Marian yelled.

"It will only slow you down!" Cullen's hazel-green eyes bored into her, a serious and brooking no-nonsense gaze. Giving a nod, Cullen helped Marian gain her footing and together they struggled against the sloping deck to find a suitable place to jump into the storm churned sea.

Templar and mage jumped as a thirty-foot swell of water raised the ship and broke it in half. The impact into the water forced the breath from Marian's body. She started to panic as water covered her head and her body started to sink toward the cold black depths. Things were quieter underwater but no less tumultuous. What was it like simply to let the last of the air leave and let the sea take her? Would she see a light to the Fade and have father waiting? Would Bethany be with him, opening her arms to welcome Marian home?

A tugging pulled her mind away from letting life go. Marian cried out inside and started to fight against whatever was pulling her upwards. The next thing Marian knew, her veins went cold, and limbs turned to lead. The tugging started again, bringing her head above water. A howling invaded her ears, along with a loud pounding boom against rock. A strong arm wrapped around her torso pulled her through the rocking sea, breaking through the water with determination and strength toward a sheltering cove.

After what seemed like eternity, Marian was hauled onto dry sand inside a cave. She tried to cast a simple light spell and whimpered at the cold emptiness inside. Marian knew what that cold feeling was that left her helpless as a kitten. Cullen drained her mana to stop her struggling against him.

A large form plopped next to her, breath heaving in exhaustion interspersed with a hacking cough. "We are sheltered from the worst of the storm." Cullen swallowed after the coughing fit, wiping seawater from his eyes and mouth.

"Why didn't you let me go?" Marian's eyes closed as she tried not to cry. Her lungs burned from the lack of air and not feeling the mana flowing in her veins, it was as if someone cut out her spirit.

"After taking in your brother, I don't think your mother would appreciate me too much if I let her other child die under my watch."

Marian laughed sardonically, if only to keep from crying at the unfairness her life had taken…yet again. "What have I done for the Maker to treat me this way?"

Cullen laughed heavily and sighed. He shifted next to her making Marian turn her head. He looked at her in the gloom of the cave. "Uh, Hawke…Marian, you're shivering."

"I'm f...fine." the chattering of her teeth belied the white lie. The wet clothes, adding to the chill air of the cave made her shudder with a bone chill. They had nothing to make a fire and with no mana in her, Marian couldn't conjure any warmth.

The templar groaned as he sat up and pulled Marian up in a sitting position. "Come, let's get these wet clothes off. It will be hours before the rain wears off and I don't need you to get sick, on top of almost drowning."

"You are enjoying this too much, knight-captain." Marian growled out and batted weakly at the man's strong and sure hands as he peeled the sodden shirt off her. "What happened to a templar's modesty?"

Cullen sighed, "Trust me, this is uncomfortable for me, too. I didn't expect to get shipwrecked and then have to undress …a…" he blushed furiously.

"Oh, come, I'm an apostate and surely that is enough for you to not feel any shame over my modesty. I am not a woman to you templar's but a monster that needs to be leashed!" Marian's teeth clacked harder as Cullen gently rubbed at her arms.

"Is that what you truly think?" His eyes searched Marian's in the gloom.

"After what you told me about your time in Fereldan's Circle, that is what I assumed! Okay, maybe not that emphatically but it does make me wonder, ser knight."

"Oh, Maker," Cullen whispered, shaking his head. Without saying anything else, he went to strip off his wet tunic and breeches, going down to the small clothes. With a look to Marian, who sighed in resignation, Cullen helped her with the rest of the wet clothes, leaving Marian in her smallclothes and breast band. She wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them. Marian tried to get her teeth to stop chattering but the goose bumps continued to rise on her flesh.

"So, n...n…now what?"

"I don't know." Cullen answered sullenly. After hearing the teeth chattering going nonstop from Marian, he swore under his breath. _Maker forgive me_, he prayed. "Damn it, Marian, let's put our differences aside for the time being! If we are going to survive the night, we need to share our body warmth."

"I'm...f…f….f….fine!" she stuttered.

Without another word and quieting her protests, Cullen eased the stubborn apostate to lie within his arms. He rubbed at her shoulders and arms, using the friction to build some heat. The templar turned the woman into his chest, hissing at the coldness of her hands. "Sweet Andraste, your hands are freezing!"

"I…c…can't feel them."

Cullen took her hands into his, rubbing them between his larger hands. Bringing them to his mouth, he breathed onto her fingers, attempting to put some warmth back in them. Marian whimpered as a sharp prickly sensation started in her fingers. "Ah, good." He murmured, clasping her hands tighter in his.

"C...Cullen." Marian whispered.

"Shhh, rest." The templar released one hand to wrap his arm around Marian to hold her close to him. Already the shared body heat was warming both of them and after the night's events, both templar and mage were exhausted.

Marian dozed in Cullen's arms, feeling warm and safe. It was odd, she thought sleepily, that this man made her feel safe, even after he stripped her mana. However, the smell of salt, steel, and the masculine scent of Cullen, lulled Marian to relax and eventually snuggle deeper into his body. She felt his head rest on the top of hers, an exhausted sigh coming from the templar. His fingers absently caressed at hers while the even breathing of sleep overtook the man.

Chapter One – Abandon by CelticWolfwalker

3


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Abandon  
><strong>Chapter Two<br>Author:** CelticWolfwalker  
><strong>Game:<strong> DA2  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> F!Hawke/Cullen  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Takes place in the intervening years between Act I and II. This will be a short series.

The crying of gulls woke Marian up. She blinked the gumminess from her eyes and yawned. A weight on her shifted and tightened their grasp around her body. Her mind thought about what transpired last night, fighting through the fog of sleep and exhaustion. Turning her head, Marian looked at the bearded chin of the knight-captain. In sleep, the man looked at peace, the lines around his eyes and mouth less noticeable as they weren't forced into a scowl or perpetual wariness. Marian's mouth quirked up into a small smile as she gazed over Cullen's form, admiring the lines and angles of a well-built physique. Years of fighting and training gave the man a pleasant physical bulk needed to wear heavy armor. The calluses on his fingers and hands weren't unpleasant to the touch and Marian found herself unintentionally enjoying them on her bare skin.

She swallowed the dryness from her mouth and gently extricated herself from the knight-captain's arms, not without some regret. Marian spotted the laid out clothing on the rocks and hoped they were dry. Not that she was a overly modest person but Marian was a little self-conscious with her bare self around the templar. He didn't really care for her and she wasn't going to put any temptation in his path so that Cullen could claim she had bespelled him with lust and desire.

Cullen stirred a little, murmuring something under his breath as she moved away. Marian looked over the templar again, seeing the man that laid there on the sand and not the templar knight-captain. The tight waves of his honey-blonde hair made her fingers itch to run through them. He had a finely shaped and generous mouth that should be used for smiling, not scowling. Her eyes roamed down his body, wandering over the sculpted, tanned, and lightly sprinkled hair that trailed down from his chest to the stomach and into the small clothes. Marian blushed as the small clothes hung below Cullen's waist and barely hid the bulge of his manhood.

"Oh, dear Maker," she whispered, quickly turning her gaze away. As quiet as she could, Marian went to what was left of her clothes, testing to see if they were dry. She frowned as some dampness remained in the shirt and breeches. Fire, they needed a fire. Looking around the cave, Marian spotted some driftwood and tinder. Smiling, knowing that doing something would help take her mind off the desirable thoughts on the knight-captain.

Gathering the wood and tinder, Marian took one of the pointier sticks and used it to dig out a shallow pit to build the fire in. When she was satisfied with the depth, Marian piled the wood and placed the dried sea grass tinder under the pile. Now she needed a spark. Drawing inside of herself, Marian was pleased to feel the steady flow of mana coursing through her veins. Opening the palm of her hand, she concentrated on forming a small flame. A spark flickered and then formed. Leaning down to the single flame, Marian blew on it, watching it move from her palm to the tinder. The small flame licked at the tinder, catching on the fuel and growing.

Cullen sat up in a rush and searched for a sword as he felt the surge of magic. Turning around to locate the source, his wide hazel eyes looked at Marian, staring at her with barely awakened awareness of his surroundings. Marian froze in place, watching to see what the templar would do next. All thoughts of desire that she may have had flew out of her mind and replaced with trepidation.

"Hawke." He said in a low flat tone.

"Morning, knight-captain." Marian replied neutrally. "I would offer some eggs and sausage but I fear that there is no hidden magical pantry in this cave."

Cullen closed his eyes slowly and breathed deeply, steadying himself before he did something rashly against Marian. Once he had settled himself and reconciled their current living conditions, he opened his eyes again. "Do you always find humor in everything?"

"It helps relieve stress." Marian shrugged her bare shoulders. Reaching for her shirt, she held it up to the now pleasant blaze. "I can't stand weepiness, hopelessness, or the heavy pall most people get when in dire situations. Call me optimistic."

"I see."

"You know, you could do with some humor yourself." Marian suggested lightly. She was trying to get the templar to relax and put herself at ease. One thing Marian didn't want to experience again was a mana drain.

"My position is nothing to take lightly." Cullen frowned, making his face look stern and harsh. Marian sighed inwardly, wishing the man would smile again.

"I suppose that it wouldn't. Shame, really." Marian switched the shirt around to dry out the rest of the dampness.

"What?" Cullen prodded, eyes narrowing at the mage.

"Mmm?"

"Why is it a shame?" Cullen looked at Marian pointedly.

"Oh, nothing really. Just some thoughts I had. Don't worry about it." When she was satisfied with the dryness, Marian tugged it over her head. Looking down afterwards, she sighed. The shirt was wrinkled but what made her sigh was the opening had ripped to lay open down to the bottom of her cleavage. Isabella would approve, of course, but Marian didn't want to tempt fate anymore with the knight-captain. Her hand tried to clasp it close, suddenly modest around the templar, despite their near complete nakedness of the prior night.

"How could I forget something that has my curiosity piqued?" He shifted his body to face Marian fully. As she turned around, she stopped, taking in Cullen's masculine form and low riding smalls. He seemed unaware of his naked glory and that it was decidedly distracting. Marian tamped down the rising heat to her face, licking her lips before replying.

"Does curiosity play in a templar's life?" Marian grabbed Cullen's shirt before he could and held up toward the warmth of the small fire. It was something to help her avert her gaze from Cullen's…maleness.

"Of course. We are still normal men and women under the armor. You don't have to do that." Cullen reached toward his shirt in Marian's hands. She yanked it away from his reach but the templar was determined to reclaim his clothing. However, he over-reached and bowled Marian to the ground, his body landing on top of her.

His face was mere inches from Marian's. Her breathing stopped for a moment as she felt his hot breath across her lips. "Um, you are lying on top of me." Marian stated inanely.

Cullen's eyes bored into hers, unreadable and yet so sexy. _Oh, Maker, Marian, get a hold of yourself!_

"I want my shirt."

"I was finishing the drying. It was still damp." Marian started to get a little light headed and forced herself to breathe. "It's the least I can do for what you have done." Her voice softened. The mage's eyes widened as she felt something twitch against her thigh. Cullen's face flushed a bright shade of red as he hastily removed himself from Marian.

The templar grabbed his breeches and hastily excused himself from Marian's presence. Marian shook her head, her mouth twitching on the edge of a chuckle. So, the templar wasn't immune to desire, even if the object of it was a mage.

After half an hour, the knight-captain arrived back at their cave, breeches on, and his body under more control than what he had been before leaving Marian alone. The smell coming from the cave made his mouth water, making him momentarily forget the surge of desire he felt for the mage. He didn't want to leave her alone for that long but when meditation failed to calm his body down, Cullen had to take matters into his hands, literally. It still didn't help that when he pleasured himself, the image of Marian popped into his mind's eye, feeling the touch of her skin still on him and her warm spice scent was ingrained into his mind.

He was a templar, she a mage, and an apostate that couldn't be touched. Not that he wanted to see her locked in the Circle. Marian had known freedom her whole life and flourished under it. Never once had Cullen seen her turn to any forbidden magic. In fact, Marian abhorred blood magic, Carver had confirmed that fact when Cullen cornered the young man after a training session. The younger Hawke would mention that it would literally make his sister sick even to see the sight of her own blood in any quantity other than a scratch. The thought of Marian green over her own blood brought a little chuckle to Cullen.

Cullen had to admit that he kept track of Marian's exploits through Kirkwall and it had him thinking that maybe what was happening to mages and even templars was wrong. But even with the woman's convictions, he was admiring the more subtle nature of her womanhood. She was stubborn and didn't let much get to her. When she was thinking, Marian would part her lips and they would twitch with whatever crossed her mind. Marian saw only the templar in him, not the man, but he saw the woman more than the mage she was. After last night, having her in his arms, Cullen ached to have her there again. If only Marian could get past the templar armor and see him as the man he was.

However, they were stranded, and they needed to figure a way to get help or if they could leave this cave. The rumbling in his stomach brought him out of his thoughts as the smell of roasted fish tempted him back to Marian's side in the cave.

"Ah, I knew the smell of food would get a man to the fire! It never fails." Marian invited Cullen to sit next to her with a pat of her hand.

"I never knew you cooked or fished!" Cullen was surprised.

"Did you think my father only taught magic to me?" she gave a delicate snort. "Oftentimes, lessons were combined with chores or fishing. Hard work and labor often combined with the harsh lessons that had been drilled into our heads about responsibility and morality. Then I think it was his excuse just to get out of the house and away from mother's nagging. Of course, we cheated a little at fishing." Marian laughed joyfully at the memory.

Cullen envied her for the familial memories and relationship she had with her parents. Seeing her laugh, though, made Cullen smile. "I can't imagine why any man would want to leave the house with a loving wife there."

Marian's face registered mock shock, "Oh, knight-captain, you have never experienced Leandra Amell in her full glory! You are lucky to see the overprotective mother that fusses overmuch on Carver. She makes Meredith look tame."

"Oh, Maker, then I'm glad to be spared that at least!" Cullen surprised himself when he laughed with Marian.

Her striking blue eyes watched him with interest while she handed a roasted fish on a stick to Cullen. "See, I knew that smiles and laughter look better on you than that awful scowl you perfected."

Cullen choked on a piping hot bite of fish flesh and stared at the woman. He tried to breathe in air to help cool the meat and gather his senses from Marian's comment. "Well…I…guess no one has given me a reason to smile or laugh."

She smiled shyly, cheeks tingeing with a bit of red. Marian's fingers plucked at the cooling fish, blowing a portion cool before stuffing it into her mouth. They continued to eat in silence, each glancing at the other then averting their eyes. After their fill of fish, Marian walked over to a small pool of water at the back of the cave and washed her hands.

Cullen picked a bone from between his teeth, eyes flicking over to where Marian washed up. Thoughts of wanting to kiss her, run his hands once again over her soft skin, came unbidden in his head. Why did they trouble him now? Cullen had never pictured Marian other than the freelancing mercenary she was. She was a mage, a wielder of magic, thus dangerous and one who must be watched closely. However, if she were taken to the Circle, Marian's bright spark would die. As much as the woman helped him with templar matters, she also helped apostates find a better life outside of the Circle.

It was confusing and had the templar wondering where she stood on things? From her deeds, Marian Hawke did whatever job struck a personal whim with her. So, why did she agree to hunt out smugglers with him…alone? However, as much as the woman detested blood magic, Marian hated lyrium smugglers with a passion. Cullen looked down at his hands, frowning in concern. A slight tremble was starting and he closed his hands into a fist to stop the shaking. In another day, he would be experiencing more of the lyrium withdrawal and they were abandoned on the rough coast of the Wounded Coast, two days sail from Kirkwall. There was no lyrium with them to help supply the templar's need.

"We need to find a way out of here and see if we can head inland." Cullen announced, cleaning up the leftover bones and skin before him.

"Agreed." Marian came back from the small pool.

"What do you figure on how far we are from Kirkwall? It's two days full sail…" Cullen mused.

"Around five days, maybe six." Marian answered. "That is depending where on the Wounded Coast we are and how much we got knocked off course by that squall."

Cullen nodded in agreement clenching his fingers into his palm. He needed to do something to keep his thoughts away from what it would feel like to have Marian's lips pressed against his. "There is a little eroded foot path that winds up away from this cove. It's about the size of a goat track but it is something that leads inland."

Marian slapped her hands on her thighs and stood straight. "Then let us not waste anymore of this day." She looked at Cullen as he rose and then took in her own clothing and lack of weapons. "What a pair we make. We look like vagabonds."

"Maybe it is for the best? Then we would be less noticeable by curious travelers."

"My, my, I didn't know you had a sneaky mind, knight-captain." Marian chuckled.

"I do have to outsmart my charges, my lady." His mouth cocked into a small grin. "And that means staying one step ahead of them."

"Then I guess that is why you are knight-captain." Her blue eyes danced merrily at him.

The pair doused the fire and buried the remains of their breakfast. Picking their way carefully out of the cave as the low tide receded, Cullen lead them to the little game trail.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Abandon  
><strong>Chapter Three<br>Author:** CelticWolfwalker  
><strong>Game:<strong> DA2  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> F!Hawke/Cullen  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Takes place in the intervening years between Act I and II. This will be a short series.

Panting, Marian worked her fingers into the crevasse and pressed her body upwards. She followed each move Cullen made as they traversed the thin trail that ended ten feet from their goal at the top of the cliff. The man kept surprising her with his knowledge and his numerous strengths. How such a capable man that was healthy and vigorous be so emotionally scarred? Then again, she had her fair share of emotional scars, not that any of her friends knew, or even Carver. Carver never knew how much Bethany's death affected her, despite his goading, that Marian didn't seem to care that she was gone.

Grasp, flex, pull, Marian did the movement again and squeaked as her head bumped into Cullen's leg. "Why are you stopping?" she whined a little, her arms and fingers quivering with exhaustion and strain.

"Shhh, I'm trying to listen to something." The knight berated her gently.

Sighing, Marian leaned against the rock and waited. What seemed like eternity, Cullen grunted and looked down to Marian. "Slavers." He told her

"Well, I guess we don't need to invite ourselves to dinner."

Cullen sighed deeply and shook his head; reaching for the next placeholder with his fingers, Cullen carefully wedged his foot onto a small ledge and pulled his body up the rockface. Marian followed in the same steps, flattening herself as Cullen reached the top of the cliff. Her eyes spared a glance down and moaned as the site of churning and pounding water against jagged rocks greeted her sight. Marian's body froze in place, fearing to lose her grip, even though she was almost at the top. This wasn't fun and to know that one little slip could send her crashing to the rocks below sent a jolt of panic through Marian.

A hand reached down and grasped her wrist. The mage gave a small scream. Cullen looked down at her and frowned. "You are almost there, Marian!"

"I…c…can't!" she whimpered.

"Oh, Sweet Andraste!" Cullen cursed softly. "I didn't take you as afraid of heights!"

"I'm not! Just afraid of having my body go splat on those rocks below and wash me out to sea, forgotten by everyone!"

"Marian, I have you. I won't let you go." Cullen's voice softened as he tightened his grip on her wrist.

She contemplated his words and the firmness of his hand around her wrist. Closing her eyes from the drop below, Marian gathered her courage. This little adventure had her finding things that she never contemplated before. Marian never thought of being frightened of heights, as she often walked the winding and narrow paths of the Sundermount frequently without pause as to the horrible fate that met her at the bottom of the mountain if she lost her footing. Then there was putting her trust into a templar, while they searched for a way back home.

"Trust me, Marian." Cullen said to her, catching her eyes with his hazel eyes in open trust.

Squeezing her eyes again, Marian dug her foot into a small crevice and pushed up. Once the upper half of her body reached the edge, Cullen brought his other hand toward her, grabbing around her shoulders and pulled Marian from the cliff edge. Marian felt herself lifted and as she tried to right herself, instead found herself landing on top of Cullen, breathing rapidly from adrenaline and fear.

"Hullo there." Her lips trembled in relief, their noses nearly touching each other.

"Hello." Cullen's mouth twitched.

They lay there, looking at each other, trying to figure what the other was thinking. Marian was debating whether she should soundly kiss the templar and get away before he protested or simply leave well enough alone. Cullen thought the same thing, as his hands pressed into her back.

"We should get moving." Marian said quietly.

"Yes, we should." Cullen agreed, not making a move to free himself from Marian or get up from the ground.

They were at an impasse and Marian was unsure of what was happening between them. Well, nothing was happening now but her heart fluttered in her chest when Cullen looked into her eyes, seeing right into her core being. His hazel eyes were mostly green but the flecks of brown and grey in them intrigued her. How could she be thinking things like this about a templar? She had kept one-step ahead of them her whole life and now, here she was, willingly lying in the arms of a knight-captain of the order.

"Um, I believe you can let go." Marian prodded Cullen, attempting to keep the flush of her amorous thoughts out of her face.

"What?" Cullen blinked his eyes and blushed. His arms loosened around Marian, allowing her to roll off the templar and stand up. Holding a hand out to Cullen, Marian waited for him to accept.

Cullen grasped her hand and stood up from the rocky ground. Once he stood in front of her, Cullen hesitated in letting go. What was going on with him? Every moment he spent in Marian's company, it was getting harder to think of her as anything other than an apostate who needed to be in the Circle. Instead, he wondered what it would be like to live in harmony with a free, unharrowed mage. He raised a hand up as if to touch her cheek but stopped a fingers width from touching.

The clamor of men down the path from where they landed, broke the spell on the pair. "The slavers!" Cullen whispered hoarsely. He turned away from the approaching loud voices of roughened, cursing men and started up a winding footpath. Marian didn't need to be told that they had to leave the area immediately. In their condition, with nothing to show their status, Cullen and Marian looked ripe for capture by a band of slavers. Marian stumbled up the trail that Cullen rushed up on, cursing at her clumsy feet as they found another hidden rock.

The templar reached for Marian's hand, helping the fumbling mage through the treacherous path. Cullen stumbled a couple of times, growling low as their progress seemed to slow. A dark opening hidden by brush and old rubble came into their view. Cullen pushed Marian in, following closely behind. Cullen pressed Marian against the inside of the dark entrance, listening intently to the raucous voices of the approaching slavers. When they passed, Marian and Cullen breathed easier. Cullen closed his eyes as his body started to sway into Marian.

"Cullen?" she asked in concern.

"I'm alright." A slight tremor in Cullen's gentle voice proclaimed that not all was right with the templar.

Her eyes narrowed at him in the dim lighting. "When was the last time you had lyrium, knight-captain?" Marian had her suspicions but wanted Cullen to confirm them first.

He waved a hand at her, a scowl forming on his face, "Only a day or so ago. I'll be fine for another day or two." Cullen sidestepped Marian's unspoken question with ease.

"We rest here for the night." Marian said with authority.

"I said I was…" Cullen started to protest, his eyes hardening on Marian.

"Knight-captain, I'm exhausted and refuse to move one more inch until a full night of rest is behind me and I can think clearly again!" She gave a small stomp of her foot, emphasizing her hard stance.

The templar blinked at her, nonplussed at the nearly childish display of pique he witnessed from Marian. In the back of his mind, Cullen found it cute. Marian's blue eyes in the dim light twinkled and her mouth had dropped into a kissable pout. _Oh, Maker, this couldn't be happening!_ Yes, he definitely felt attracted to the mage, or more the woman Marian is. The uneven cut of her hair suited her, even if the fringe fell constantly into her eyes. That made him want to brush it away from those incredible bright blue eyes of hers. Unlike most mages, Marian forgone the traditional robes and went for comfort and practicality for her travels and adventures. As he leaned into her, Cullen's body gave a slight tremor and his groin hardened with the close proximity of Marian's sensuous curves. Biting the inside of his cheek and willing the awakening part of him to calm down, Cullen stepped away from her, putting distance between them.

Cullen inclined his head to Marian. "As you wish, my lady."

"I'm glad you see it my way for once." Marian jibed at the templar.

"Don't let anyone else know." Cullen shot back, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

Marian conjured a soft blue-white light that revealed the cave they dodged into. It wasn't very large, there was enough ground to pace a few steps and sleep comfortably. Toward the back, there was a pool that shimmered in the witch light. Marian went over to the pool and tested the water, smiling as it was cold and sweet. She dropped a pebble in to test the depth and was pleased to hear the deep plop. The small ripples on the surface indicated it was spring fed and water circulated constantly. The mage sighed pleasantly.

"Well, we can clean up properly and get the salt brine and the day's filth washed off." Marian chirped cheerfully.

"But…there is no privacy…" Cullen's eyes widened.

"Tsk, Cullen, after you taking nearly all my clothes off last night and holding me in your strong arms, you are now concerned about modesty?" Marian looked at Cullen with a curious look regarding his sudden propriety.

"You still had some articles of clothing on!" Cullen protested weakly, his skin flushing darkly.

"Pish posh, I was still naked like the day I was born."

Cullen groaned and shut his eyes, trying to control the raging fire building in his body from the teasing Marian was giving him. He didn't have issues with being naked but that he wouldn't be able have enough control for the woman to not notice his arousal towards her. It was going to be difficult at best. Cullen prayed that maybe the day's exertions tired them enough so temptation would be held off.

"How fortunate that this cave has a deep pool so one can bathe." He muttered.

"Shall you go first?" Marian asked.

"Ladies first." He bowed slightly and went to lean against the entrance of the cave, looking out at the concealing brush and the darkening sky. It was going to be a long night.

Shortly after he settled at his sentry post, Cullen heard a splash and gasp. He avoided turning around to see what the matter was, biting at the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. Silently, Cullen started reciting the Canticle of Trials. There were a few more little splashes and Cullen heard soft singing. The melody was an old Fereldan tune and Marian's voice sang true in a pure alto. Cullen forgot that Marian was Fereldan, despite her family's Marcher roots. As he listened, Cullen closed his eyes and moaned silently, feeling the calling of its words.

_Hear my cry,_

_In my hungering search for you,_

_Taste my breath on the wind,_

_See the sky as it mirrors my colours,_

_Hints and whispers begin._

_I am living to nourish you, cherish you,_

_I am pulsing the blood in your veins,_

_Feel the magic and power of surrender,_

_To life. Uisce Beatha_

_Every finger is touching and searching,_

_Until your secrets come out,_

_In the dance, as it endlessly circles,_

_I linger close to your mouth._

_I am living to nourish you, cherish you,_

_I am pulsing the blood in your veins,_

_Feel the magic and power of surrender,_

_To life. Uisce Beatha_

He risked turning around and bit his lip as he took in Marian's naked back. The pool was wide and deep enough to bathe but still, the water reached halfway to Marian's buttocks. As the woman trickled water from her hands over her head, Cullen watched the water travel down her spine and lower, to disappear between the cheeks of her rear. His face flamed hotly, followed by a searing trail through his veins that spread throughout his body. Turning back around, Cullen rested his head against the rock of the cavern entrance, wishing now that he had resisted in watching Marian bathe.

Folding his arms across the chest, Cullen tried not to listen to Marian's singing. She sang songs that were old and held power in the words. Many Fereldan songs held many in its sway because of the emotions it conjured in the people. What Marian sang next made Cullen's heart cry, some deep part of him wishing that it was him that the mage lamented after.

_I wish I were on yonder hill_

_'Tis there I'd sit and cry my fill_

_And every tear would turn a mill_

_I wish I sat on my true love's knee_

_Many a fond story he told to me_

_He told me things that ne'er shall be_

_Siuil, siuil, siuil a ruin_

_Siuil go sochar agus siuil go ciuin_

_Siuil go doras agus ealaigh liom_

_His hair was black his eye was blue_

_His arm was strong his word was true_

_I wish in my heart I was with you_

_I'll dye my petticoats I'll dye them red_

_And 'round the world I'll beg my bread_

_'Til I find my love alive or dead _

_Siuil go doras agus ealaigh liom_

The emotion in her voice made Cullen wonder if she had such a love that she longed for and was lost to her. His keen hearing detected the faint trace of sadness that made him turn his head to look over his shoulder toward the woman in the water. Marian's hands were at her side, fingers brushing at the surface of the water. With her face turned to the side, Cullen caught a glimpse of wetness spilling down her cheek that had nothing to do with pool water.

Her eyes looked up and caught his gaze. Cullen's breath was taken away by the raw grief that was suddenly hidden away and replaced by Marian's unfathomable blue gaze. This woman was more complex than led to believe, Cullen surmised. Clearing his throat, Cullen turned back around, allowing Marian some privacy to gather herself.

Seeing the open sadness in the woman was enough to douse Cullen's heat. Then he berated himself for the selfishness of thinking such improper thoughts about the woman.

"You can turn around, ser knight." Marian called to Cullen softly.

Cullen did so, slowly and unsure of what to say, or if anything should be said. The mage, for all her flippancy and wittiness in public, showed a very personal and emotional side that Cullen thought few ever saw. Marian was vulnerable, she could be hurt and grieve. This changed the templar's thoughts on what he thought about the mage on many levels.

"Marian, I…" Cullen started and stopped, not sure what to say next.

"Please, don't say anything. Forget what happened, okay?" Marian's eyes begged Cullen to keep her vulnerability a secret.

"All right," Cullen dipped his head in agreement. However, he wouldn't forget.

"Now, go wash up. I'll stand guard."

"You don't have to, Marian. There really is nothing out there."

"Just as there was no storm coming on the horizon?" Marian quipped back at the templar.

Cullen winced at the rebuke. "Point taken, serrah Hawke." He shuffled over to the pool and waited for Marian to turn her back before he undressed and splashed into the water.

-}[]{-

The road was winding and had no living soul for miles. Marian wished that this part of the Wounded Coast had more roadside inns but with the temperamental sea weather and the scarcity of supplies, it was to be expected. It also wasn't a main thoroughfare that would bring business from legitimate travelers. Cullen walked in front of her, leading the way toward the east and in the general direction of Kirkwall. But as Marian watched him closely, she took in the little tremors running through his hands that the knight would clench to stop them. By her guess, it was more than a day since the man had his lyrium dose that kept his templar powers on par and at the ready. One of the many shames on the Chantry and what they asked men and women to sacrifice to serve them. They made templars dependent on lyrium and oftentimes, withdrawal from the potent magical concoction led to death or put the person in a state of invalidity for the rest of their life.

Only the strongest of will survived a bout of lyrium withdrawal but not without cost. Malcolm Hawke, Marian's father, treated such templars that had no other recourse but visit the only healer in town when the Chantry wouldn't help them. One such templar counted her father as a friend and often helped him and his daughters. Of course, that same man and Marian grew close with each other over the years they knew each other. He was dark of hair and blue of eyes and when Marian sang the old tune of lost love, she thought of that young templar who stole her heart in Lothering. The man would have gotten into serious trouble for getting involved with an apostate and Malcolm often would warn Marian against pursuing anything with the man.

She was young and in love, and face it, Marian couldn't resist a man in uniform. For the love of her, the templar stopped taking his doses of lyrium. For the love of Marian, he went through agony as the tremors shook his body apart and weakened his heart. Her father couldn't help him, only sit at the bedside and hold the young man down as the insurmountable pain wracked through the templar. Marian couldn't stand it and wanted to end the suffering by giving the man what they had in their stash. The templar vehemently denied her offering. He was willing to walk through the Void in order to be with her, free from the drug and the Chantry.

However, he wasn't strong enough.

Marian ran into Cullen's back as he stopped suddenly in front of her. She raised her face and felt Cullen put his strong fingers around her arms. The look of concern and pity in his eyes sent a flash of anger through her.

"What?" Marian snapped.

"You're crying."

Putting her hands up to her cheeks, they came away wet. Angrily, Marian wiped the tears from her face. This was the second time her guard was let down around Cullen and he saw the weakness that Marian kept tightly under wraps. "It's nothing. Why have you stopped?"

Cullen frowned, shaking his head and sighing in exasperation. "We need to find a place to rest. I think I spotted a cavern entrance up ahead that is a little off the road. It could be the distance playing tricks of the light though."

"Then let's go. We will need to find some berries or herbs to eat on the way. It isn't much but there are no fish ponds close by where I can conjure them to my lap."

"Maybe not but many of these caves could be used for shelter from travelers." Cullen suggested.

"Oh, you mean by smuggler's?" Marian's voice bit with sarcasm.

The templar shrugged. "Are you done being snide now?"

"Am I what…?" Marian blinked at Cullen's blunt words.

"You heard me, Hawke. Do you think I will stand here and take the abuse of your angry tone when I asked after you in concern?"

"It's none of your business, serrah!" Marian's mouth went thin with suppressed anger. "If I wanted to share my intimate thoughts, it wouldn't be with you!"

That made Cullen step back as if he was physically struck a blow. His face hardened and closed down. "You really can be a bitch." He said in a deadpan voice.

Marian blinked, surprised that Cullen was being so blunt with her, when he normally was reserved and polite. "Wow, the templar can actually lose his diplomatic tact and tell it like it is without sugar coating his words." She fired back.

"And you can be insufferable, snide, and arrogant." Cullen responded without a misstep. "You won't let anyone inside that armor you wear and you prefer to push them away when they want to help."

"Ha! You are a templar knight-captain! Your way of helping is to want me caged up in the Gallows!" Marian's voice rose, true anger showing through. Cullen spoke the truth and she couldn't stand to have that thrown in her face.

"By the Maker, Marian! I have kept you from Meredith's notice, as have your brother! She has yet to know what you are, much less know that you and Carver are related!" Cullen yelled back.

"I never asked you to do that! I am doing fine on my own. I have avoided your kind all my life!"

"Well, maybe I will let you get on with your life and deal with Meredith yourself with no help from me." Cullen spat out. "Mark my words, Marian, when she gets her hands on you, you are going to wish for my help then."

Marian's face reddened at the templar's audacity and self-righteousness that she reached up to slap him across the face. Cullen was too fast and grabbed her wrist. She swung with her other hand. He grabbed that too and held the infuriated woman in his grasp. She started to gather magical energy, the glow starting to outline her body but Cullen stared at Marian coldly, giving a slight shake to his head in warning.

"So, knight-captain, what are going to do?" Marian challenged the man who held her firmly.

"Run." He spoke quietly, his eyes not looking at her at all but over her shoulder and behind Marian.

"What?" Marian squeaked, fury making her skin crackle with rising energy.

"Unleash that at the enemy behind you, Marian, and run!" the templar bit out and spun her about, his hands on her shoulders.

Marian was confused why Cullen would say that when she noticed the approaching band of bandits coming at them. Pressing her lips together, Marian brought her hands out in front of her and unleashed a torrent of electrical energy toward the group. It was inevitable that unleashing that amount of energy without the focus of a staff, made Marian weak. Cullen was prepared and wrapped her arm in his, leading them quickly away from the bandits.

The pair half-ran and Marian stumbled, bringing them both to their knees a few times, trying to find somewhere to ditch out of sight from the bandits. Once the initial shock of the electric shock wore off, those bandits were going to come after them. They ran through a copse of shrubs that held thin sharp thorns that tore at their clothing and faces. However, once through, sanctuary awaited, as a welcoming cave opening stood before them. Gasping for breath, Marian collapsed at the entrance.

A/N - The music lyrics are: the first one, Cloudsong by Michael Whelan from Riverdance, sung by Annuna; the second one, an Irish tune, Suil a Ruin.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Abandon  
><strong>Chapter Four<br>Author:** CelticWolfwalker  
><strong>Game:<strong> DA2  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> F!Hawke/Cullen  
><strong>Notes:<strong> I am taking some liberty with a few things, like the lyrium the templars are addicted to and with Cullen's background. I wasn't completely sure about keeping that in the story but with the next chapter, it all ties in.

Cullen leaned down and scooped Marian into his arms. There was a short tunnel leading into the rock before it opened out into a medium-sized chamber. Busted leftovers of crates and lanterns littered the floor, and a cold fire ring was off to one side. Looking around, Marian could see the dark depths of two other tunnels leading away from the front chamber. She was exhausted from spending so much of her personal energy into the magical attack. Along with not having much to eat in the past couple of days, it was making her feel lightheaded.

Setting her down on an intact short crate, Cullen kneeled in front of Marian, taking one of his hands up to her chin and tilting her head to meet his gaze. "Are you alright?" he asked.

Marian swallowed slowly, her earlier anger and adrenaline gone. "I'm spent. I haven't felt like this since I started practicing electrical spells before I received my first staff. Oh, Maker, never again." She closed her eyes against a wave of dizziness.

"At least your wits are still with you." Cullen searched Marian's eyes when she opened them again.

"Have no fear about that, ser knight. Whenever things are at their lowest, I will always come up with some witty, snide, sarcastic comment."

With a rush, Cullen brought her mouth to his, in a bruising forceful kiss. Marian was shocked at the suddenness and even more shocked that the templar's lips felt incredibly good. She responded, sealing the kiss and meeting his pressing tongue. He placed both hands on the sides of her head and brought Marian down off the crate.

Marian pulled back hard, breaking from the crushing kiss, panting at the flare of passion in her. That same fire blazed in Cullen's eyes making Marian's skin burn. "Is this some new form of interrogation?" Marian rasped.

Cullen growled and closed in toward her mouth again, his lips brushing over hers. "Marian, shut up."

This time, the templar softened the kisses, letting them linger and draw out as his hands caressed through Marian's hair. A tingle ran from those fingers and down her spine, making her feel positively wonderful and refreshed. The exhaustion and jittery feeling that comes after overspending energy, washed away. Cullen's fingers trailed down the back of her neck, sending goose bumps across the skin. Marian gave a soft whimper as she felt herself give in to the templar's ministrations. She knew quite well, what Cullen was doing, as he sent blessed waves of revitalization through her. The most experienced templar's knew how to reinvigorate a flagging body. But why was he doing this for her? Marian gave him every reason to dislike her, to go away and leave her be. However, her body and mind responded hungrily to the man's touch.

She tried to steer her mind away from the pleasant sensations and the play of emotions threatening to drown her. _No, this couldn't happen again,_ Marian cried inside. But as Cullen's mouth nipped at her lips and trailed down her chin, his hands sliding down Marian's back, Marian's barriers melted away. His fingers easily slid under the ragged shirt she wore and caressed at her skin. It was like liquid fire trailing over her skin. She had to stop this, no matter that the man's mouth and hands were doing wonderful things to her, Marian knew that this couldn't progress, that an apostate and high ranking templar must not get involved with each other. As Cullen's mouth trailed along her jaw and kissed at the sensitive spot behind her ear, Marian's will shattered. _This feels too good to stop._ Her mind said through a haze of passion.

He took her mouth again, kissing Marian fully and deeply. It had been so long since a man loved her this way that Marian silently cried, the tears sliding down her cheeks to mix with their kiss. Cullen pulled away from the kiss and looked into her eyes.

"What is it, Marian?" he asked so gently that Marian's breath and heart hitched.

"I…" she started but the words froze on her tongue. This wasn't right but Cullen's lips and hands felt so good, and the man actually took gentle care with her. "It has been a long time and this wasn't exactly how I pictured having sex for the first time."

Cullen raised a callused hand and cupped Marian's face, his thumb caressing across her lips. "If it makes you feel any better, it has been a rather long time for me."

"And you would take a chance in having your first lay be with an apostate?" Marian couldn't help the tinge of bitter sarcasm. It was a defense mechanism for how vulnerable she felt by the man's touch.

"Maker's Breath, are you always this contentious?" Cullen growled softly. "Why not accept things as they are right now? We are far from Kirkwall, we need to rest for the night, and we are two consenting adults." The templar looked a little hurt by Marian's obstinacy to accept him. The taste of Marian was still tingling on his lips and Cullen craved for more of her. How could he make her see that she was much more than an apostate to him? The man simply didn't go and bed every mage he fancied! He searched Marian's eyes, noticing the same pain in them that he glimpsed the night prior.

It felt like he was competing with a ghost and losing. On the other hand, did Marian find him too much the templar to want the affection Cullen was willing to give, away from duty and vows? It was only for her that Cullen was willing to risk his faith and beliefs by throwing caution to the wind by wanting to be with her. Cullen blinked at the realization. When had he become so wrapped up in Marian Hawke?

"I like you, Cullen, truly," Marian's voice was low, with a vulnerable quality to it that shot through Cullen's templar sensibilities and pierced his heart. "But…this could only end in nothing but trouble for either of us."

"Let me worry about my troubles, Marian." Cullen's voice wavered, his thumb stroking at her face. A chuckle bubbled up from Cullen's chest, as the mage was trying to be the wise, responsible one, when it was his duty to put a halt to this dangerous fascination.

"Now you are laughing at me?" Her eyes sparked at Cullen, and she tried to push out of his grasp.

Cullen tightened his grip on Marian, effectively pinning her to his lap and flush against his body. "I was thinking of how ironic this situation is. I am the responsible knight-captain here that needs to end this before it begins but I…" His body stiffened as a wave of cramping pain shot through his body. Snapping his mouth shut in a grimace, Cullen had incidentally bit at his lip, causing it to bleed.

"Cullen?" Marian looked at him in concern, her brows furrowed as she brought her hands to his face to hold it still and keep him focused on her. "Breath slowly, my dear templar. Don't try to hold your breath through the pain."

He would have arched his back as another wave trembled through him but Cullen locked his eyes on Marian's blue gaze, focusing on her and that sweet voice. _Oh, Maker, it's started_. He thought, as the pain faded away, leaving him breathless.

"I must say, you are rather good at lying, knight-captain." Marian clucked her tongue at him, though worry shone through her eyes.

"W…what do you mean?"

"This is the fourth day without lyrium, my dear. Why did you not tell me? Foolish man, to go wasting what little you had left to bolster my flagging energy!"

"I'm fine, really!" Cullen weakly protested. "I have gone without for longer than this."

"What, four, five years ago? You have aged, my dear, and gotten used to having regular doses. The body starts to depend on regularity and when denied, it gets nasty when it wants a fix." Marian snorted.

"And how do you know so much about lyrium withdrawal?"

"I…" Marian stuttered to a halt, caught off guard by Cullen's direct question. "I just know. My father dealt with cases of withdrawal."

"You're dodging." He hardened his gaze on the woman in his arms.

"We better find a more suitable place than this to make camp. This looks like an abandoned mine and I'm sure there are some bedrolls and other things scattered throughout." Marian evaded Cullen's subtle accusation.

Cullen sighed. "Fine, let's find somewhere to make camp in these caves." He wasn't going to press the woman now about what she knew, but by the Void, he was going to one day.

Marian stood up, leaning over to wrap an arm around Cullen, letting the man lean on her shoulder. He was about to push Marian away but his body decided to be caught in another grasp of undulating pain. The woman's grip tightened on the templar as Cullen stumbled sideways.

Taking one of the branches off the entrance, Marian led them down the passageway to where it opened into an airy and sunlit chamber. At the end of the chamber, water splashed down into a pool, sending a spray of cool mist into the air. Marian spotted what looked like an abandoned campsite, far enough away from the water that the mist didn't dampen things but close enough that it wouldn't be far to go take a dip in the pool or gather water for cooking. There were rolled bedrolls, along with two crates and a sea chest.

"Come on, knight-captain, there is an abandoned camp down there." Marian coaxed the pain-wracked and sweating man.

"T..th…this feels worse than….last time." Cullen moaned, leaning heavily on Marian.

"I don't know what lyrium brew they gave you in Fereldan, but I know the one that Free March templars use is a bit more potent. You want to know why I hate lyrium smuggler's so much?" Marian's voice took on steel, keeping Cullen's mind occupied with the conversation instead of how awful he was feeling. "They cut their lyrium with a narcotic that has been approved by the Divine."

"How do you know this?" Cullen's eyes stared at Marian, narrowed and disbelieving.

"A cousin of mine told me. Because we are closer to the Tevinter Imperium, the templar's needed a bit more of an edge to combat magisters."

"But…this is the Divine you are slandering! She wouldn't do something like this?" His face scrunched as he fought another wave of pain. "Would she?"

Marian sighed in sympathy, encouraging the man to keep taking another step closer to their destination. "You have led a rather sheltered and biased life, my dear templar." She said this softly, no sarcasm edging her words.

This struck at the templar, making his step falter. "Why would she do this?"

The apostate shrugged. "Maybe she isn't aware of the effects? Maybe she signed off on this change to the templar's lyrium without knowledge of it? There is so much paranoia and fear mongering enough between mages and templar's, along with the Chantry involvement, that the truth is easily overlooked."

Cullen shook his head, not wanting to believe Marian's words. He had lived in the Chantry since he was a young boy. All the sisters and mothers were kind and took care with his education. The templar's honed discipline and control into him with martial prowess. However, he was raised by the Chantry in Redcliffe, where they taught an older and purer form of the Chant, before the instituted changes that ratcheted up the fear of mages. In the past few years, templar's went from being protectors to jailors.

"I don't believe it." Cullen muttered through gritted teeth.

"I don't want too, either, Cullen." Marian said softly, helping the man sit on one of the crates at the campsite when they reached it. "Father taught us to think with our heads and respect the magic we possessed. 'Magic is a tool, like any other. Do not abuse it.'" Marian's voice took on a faraway quality.

"I think I would have liked your father, if he were alive." Cullen admitted.

"One of your Order did and helped him escape the Circle in Kirkwall. So, templar's helping mages is not uncommon."

Cullen shook his head again, finding it hard to settle with all that was being said. Marian was a mage sympathizer but she also believed in the need of templar's? You couldn't have it both ways! You sided either with one or with the other. Grasping his head between his hands, Cullen groaned. The pain made his mind all fuzzy and being with Marian added to the confusion. He liked her, enjoyed her fiery temperament that was uncommon in Circle mages. However, Marian Hawke was also an enigma of a woman. Too many paradoxes for his taste ran in her. Was her father like this, also? His body shook with pain and a dire need for the magical lyrium.

Marian watched the emotions play over the templar's face, feeling sympathy for the man. It was hard to believe he had fallen so far already in the withdrawal. When Solona told her about the added narcotic to keep the templar's pliable, Marian was incensed! What was Her Divine thinking of hooking these men and women on a dangerous drug? Marian prayed that the Divine had no part with this, and someone was playing behind the scenes. It would shake up Thedas's faith to know that the most reverent woman of the Chantry was partaking in such base human failings of abusing her position and power.

She unrolled a bedroll, surprised to find it clean. Raising her head, Marian rushed to Cullen's side as he rolled off the crate, moaning in pain. His short blond hair was soaked from the fever wracking his lyrium-starved body. Carefully picking up his head and placing it in her lap, Marian caressed across his forehead, using the little bit of healing she knew to help dull the pain. She had to use trickling amounts of healing magic, as in a withdrawal state, the victim was hypersensitive to magic, and it could cause more harm than good.

"M…Marian…" Cullen looked up at her, his eyes pinched and bright with fever. "I…don't regret…using the last of my…my power to help you. You wouldn't be able to help…" the templar swallowed hard. "Maker, the pain!"

"Shhh, Cullen." Her fingers caressed at his cheeks. Seeing the man wracked with pain and fever broke Marian's heart. Tears slid down her cheeks for seeing another templar going through this process.

When the next bout passed, Cullen opened his eyes again, surprised at the tears glistening on Marian's face. Reaching up with a trembling hand, his fingers brushed at the wetness, trying vainly to offer comfort to the mage. Something in her past affected her deeply for Marian to cry over him.

"Don't cry." Cullen whispered roughly.

"Don't you worry about it, knight-captain. Come, let's get you onto the bedroll. It is likely to be more comfortable than my lap."

"I find your lap rather comfortable." Cullen smiled shakily.

"It won't be when you start thrashing about and I will have to hold you down." Her eyes were the most serious Cullen had ever seen in Marian. She helped Cullen sit up and crawl to the unfurled thick bedroll.

Collapsing onto it, he groaned, his body feeling like a hundred years old at the moment. This was only the beginning and it was going to get worse if no lyrium was administered soon. He felt Marian's hand caressing through his hair as he lay on his side. Her voice started to sing in the old Fereldan tongue, singing a haunting melody that oddly soothed him.

_Andraste, if ever there was a mage that held such generosity and warmth in her heart, it beats in Marian Hawke._ Cullen silently spoke with the Maker's Bride, before losing himself to black unconsciousness.

-}[]{-

She hated herself for having to ease the templar to sleep but it was best, or else he would be in agony, screaming and thrashing about as his body started to tear itself apart. This withdrawal was happening so quickly, it astounded Marian. The narcotic laced lyrium was truly horrendous if this was the result of not getting it after a few short days. Hugging herself and rocking gently, Marian watched the prone form of Cullen. They were days yet from Kirkwall and all they had were the clothes on their backs. Cullen wasn't going to make it to Kirkwall in his state.

"Think, Marian. What is odd about this campsite?" Her eyes roamed around the inviting cavern, watching the setting sun's light filter through the sparsely overgrown rift in the ceiling. The entrance was well hidden by the thorny brush and the first cave was misleading, leaving one to believe it was an abandoned mine. As Marian looked back, the rubble of miscellaneous items were too haphazard to be natural. Then there were the fresh bedrolls. Her eyes fell on the crates and the sea chest sitting off to the side. Getting up, Marian walked over to them, looking for an opening. Grasping with her hands on the first crate, the lid moved easily, sliding sideways quietly. She peeked inside and gasped. In the crate were rations, a tinderbox, utensils, and dishes. Marian pulled out the rations, smiling at the familiar waybread and jerked meat neatly packaged.

"Oh, Maker, thank you!" Marian laughed joyfully.

Tearing into one of the packages of jerked meat eagerly, Marian tore off a chunk of the seasoned beef. Her eyes rolled into her head as the savory flavor blossomed in her mouth, making it salivate more. Marian continued to chew on the chunk and looked further into the crate, her hand pushing things aside to see what else it contained. Her fingers brushed against a thick parchment. With curiosity, Marian closed on it and brought it out. The sigil on the front of the folded parchment made her blanch.

"The Underground?" Marian opened the letter and read through the contents. The flourished A at the end made her hands shake. Shaking her head, Marian grinned. "Oh, Anders, you romantic fool."

Placing the letter back into the supplies crate, Marian searched the other one, finding firewood kept inside, that was all. Then her attention came to the sea chest, one used for keeping clothing or personal effects in. As her hand reached to the lid, it tingled. A magical ward was on the chest. Marian shook her head, knowing her fellow apostate friend, the password was of something very dear to him.

"Ser Pounce-a-lot." Marian whispered, feeling the buzzing of the ward dissipate. Easing the lid of the chest open, Marian gave a soft cry to see the contents inside.

Neatly folded and clean clothing lay inside. There was clothing for men and women, though it was mainly dresses for the women. Her nose crinkled at the impracticality of it but Marian must not be picky. The men's shirts and breeches were too large for her. However, they were of a size to fit the sleeping templar. Marian took out the clothing, laying out the clean cotton breeches and soft green shirt aside for when Cullen woke. The dress she pulled out was simple, with a little embellishment. It was a commoner's dress but well made and the material of fine weave. It was also a deep scarlet. Marian chuckled to think of Ander's hopeless infatuation with her. On his good days when Justice wasn't awake, Ander's was giddy, smarmy, and playful. He flirted with her outrageously. She thought those rare days of a freer Ander's helped the Warden get back a sense of who he used to be before hosting the spirit.

Sighing, Marian laid it across the inside of the chest, preceded to shuck off the travel stained, and torn clothing she had worn since that fateful shipwreck. Marian slipped on the chemise first before donning the gown. Once the gown settled over her head and on her curves, Marian had to shake her head ruefully. The neckline showed more of her cleavage than she was used to exposing. It was definitely something Isabella would wear. It hugged her hips before flaring out, giving a wonderful swish as Marian turned from side to side.

As she headed back to the clothing, looking for any slippers or shoes, Marian heard a muted tinkle of glass in the bottom of the chest. Reaching down between the other clothes, Marian's fingers grasped a flask. As she pulled her hand out, Marian could feel the tingle of magic running through the flask. It sang a pure note to her. A slow smile of relief spread over her face as the bright blue liquid was pulled out of the chest.

"Oh, sweet Andraste!" Marian breathed. "I could kiss you, Anders! And a Fereldan brew!" Her hand trembled at the relief of finding untainted lyrium. It wouldn't be the potent dosage that Cullen had been taking these past few years in the Gallows, but this would help ease his withdrawal. Marian would have to ease this into the templar and make sure he didn't gulp it down in a frenzy and thus, get sick.

Reaching in again, Marian pulled out three more flasks, along with a couple of Ander's healing potions.

Now it was time to wait until Cullen woke up. It wasn't going to be a pretty sight when he comes out of the magically induced sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Abandon  
>Chapter Five<br>Author: CelticWolfwalker  
>Game: Dragon Age II<br>Pairing: F!Hawke/Cullen

_Everything was dark and countless sobs and screams echoed in the darkness. Cullen turned around in an endless circle, searching for a way to move away from this haunted place. Abominations chased him; they wanted to make him a sacrifice to the demon, in order to bring others across the Veil. He refused and fought. He was the last of his Order! All his charges were dead or turned! The Circle was lost!_

"_Maker help me! Get me out of here before they take me!" Cullen shouted at the endless void._

_His fevered mind panicked at each noise nearby. The templar ran in a panic, not knowing where he was going. As he ran, a pinpoint of light grew. Light was salvation. At least that is what the chants taught. _

"_Cullen…" a feminine voice called from the light. It was sweet, inviting, and promising. But it could be a demon of desire, using a familiar voice to pull him in and kill him! _

"_O Maker, hear my cry:  
>Guide me through the blackest nights<br>Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked  
>Make me to rest in the warmest places." Cullen's voice whispered as he ran toward the growing light.<em>

"_Cullen!" the female voice became insistent, worry edging it._

"_O Creator, see me kneel:  
>For I walk only where You would bid me<br>Stand only in places You have blessed  
>Sing only the words You place in my throat"<em>

_He heard singing coming from the light, which made him pause. It was familiar and soothing. It reminded him of home. Home? Where was home? That voice. The clear alto that sang so pure and held so much emotion. Where was the woman who had that voice?_

"_Suil, suil, suil a ruin  
>Suil go sochar agus siuil go ciuin<br>Suil go doras agus ealaigh liom"_

_The singing sounded closer, calling to Cullen from the light, bringing him through the darkness. This was how demons also lure the unwary! Cullen shook his head, trying to clear the fog from it. _

"_My Maker, know my heart  
>take from me a life of sorrow<br>Lift me from a world of pain  
>Judge me worthy of Your endless pride" <em>

_Cullen continued reciting the Chant of Transfigurations. Using it as a focus against the temptation that was calling him, he steadily moved forward, even if he didn't know where he was going. The singing only strengthened, pulling Cullen toward the light. He knew her! Blue…incredible blue, like the clear summer's day back in Fereldan. Yes! Blue eyes! _

"_His hair was gold and his eye was blue  
>His arm was strong, his word was true<br>I wish in my heart I was with you!"_

_A plaintive note was threaded in those words that struck through Cullen's haze. No, that line was wrong! It wasn't hair of gold! It was black! But…wait…_

"_Marian?" he asked into the darkness._

_She continued to sing, calling to Cullen._

"_I'll dye my petticoats, I'll dye them red  
>And 'round the world I'll beg my bread<br>'Til I find my love alive or dead"_

"_Marian!" Cullen cried out, running to the light, feeling warmth, welcome, and clarity envelop him._

The templar swallowed, the tingling of lyrium washing over his mouth. It wasn't the strong concoction from the Gallows but it was still ever so sweet, flooding strength back through his blood. Blinking his eyes open, a blurred vision greeted him. His head rested in something soft and Cullen felt a hand help lift his head so the mouth of a cool glass flask was brought to his lips. A small amount of lyrium was poured past his lips and taken away. Cullen moaned as his salvation was taken away too soon.

"That's enough, anam cara." Marian's voice filled his hearing, a vulnerable softness infused in it that sent shivers that had nothing to do with lyrium withdrawal, through his body.

"You misspoke a line." Cullen croaked as Marian sharpened in his clearing vision.

"No, I didn't." The corners of her mouth lifted briefly. "I know you would catch that 'mistake' and come through." Marian's fingers brushed at his temple in a soothing gesture.

Cullen licked at his lips, catching the little bit of lyrium on them with his tongue. "Where did you find…?" he started to ask when Marian placed a finger on his lips.

"It was a miracle we found this set of caves. It was definitely supplied for 'travelers'." Marian chuckled as she used Cullen's diplomatic word for the unsavory elements of the Wounded Coast holing up in such caves like this. However, these travelers were of the mage kind.

Raising a still trembling hand, Cullen took Marian's finger, unfolding the rest of them on her hand; he laid a feather light kiss in the palm. He looked back up into her face, watching the play of firelight on her skin. The templar was entranced and besotted, just as he foolishly was to another mage so many years ago. "More." Cullen asked hoarsely.

"No." Marian told the templar simply.

Tugging on Marian's hand, he brought the apostate's face closer to his in her lap. He brushed his lips so lightly across hers before asking again. The lyrium was singing through his blood but he needed more in order to be back to normal. "More." Cullen asked a little harder.

"Kissing me is not going to make me give you more lyrium, knight-captain." Marian said in an even tone.

"Why must you torment me by withholding what I need?" Cullen snarled into Marian's face.

Marian's eyes flashed at the templar. "Any more is going to make you sick, serrah!" She pulled away roughly from Cullen's grasp and moved out from under his head.

He watched her carry the half-finished flask with hungry eyes. Cullen tried to sit up but found he couldn't. "What did you do?" He spat out angrily.

"I placed a force cage on your body, ser knight, so you wouldn't try anything foolish."

"Then why bother bringing me back from the brink and then deny me my salvation?" Cullen shouted after Marian nastily.

Marian stopped and slowly turned around to the incapacitated templar. "Do you think lyrium is salvation?" She asked mildly, and if Cullen knew her, knew to not press further.

He didn't care, his body was wanting more lyrium. It was singing through him again but it was weak. How was he supposed to do his duty and protect Marian if not have more? Thudding his head back to the bedroll, Cullen growled loudly. "You damnable woman! You are a fucking tease!"

"My, my, knight-captain, such language!" Marian replied sarcastically. "Your compliments are not going to sway my decision. I am not going to be responsible for a sick templar because he was stupid enough to overdose himself on lyrium after a violent withdrawal. If you are set on a death wish, I can release the force cage right now and let you help yourself." Her blue eyes glittered dangerously. "Then how will I explain to the knight-commander that her second-in-command demanded his salvation and would not take 'No' for an answer?"

Cullen winced at the heavy sarcasm of Marian's words but they did ring true and the common sense helped clear more of the haze from the withdrawal. There was some give within the cage, enough that he felt a violent tremor work through his body. What Marian gave him wasn't enough. The tease of lyrium in him served to make Cullen notice how empty he felt. Oh, Maker! What was he saying? This wasn't him! He had never acted like this before!

"Marian…" Cullen called to her.

She looked at the templar, her face hard and closed. The flicker of emotions going across Cullen's face made her wince. It was more than lyrium that had Cullen acting like a bastard. Marian couldn't fault him but at this point, coddling wasn't going to help the templar.

"Think about your salvation, Knight-Captain. The force cage will wear off in two hours." Marian turned her back on Cullen, walking over to the pool with the waterfall.

-}[]{-

The water cascaded over her, drowning out any other noise in the cavern. She didn't want to hear Cullen cursing at her for denying him 'salvation'. It was the narcotic in that lyrium talking, not Cullen. Still, his harshness affected her. Marian wasn't naïve to think that a person didn't have the penchant for dark violence. If the situation was right, even the best person could fall. Seeing Cullen treading close to that dark line seriously had frightened Marian.

_Father, I did what you taught but this…_ Marian shook her head, her hands soothing the wet hair back_. I don't know if I can go through this again. _She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. The water soothed the troubles away, washing Marian clean not only of filth but also of tension. Another templar had latched onto her heart and Marian didn't know if she could cope with the roiling emotions that were emerging. What was it about these men of faith? It was more than that with Cullen. He had strong convictions but given a justifiable reason, the man could look at things in another light. The man was sensible and flexible. Albeit, he wouldn't have been years ago during the trouble with Fereldan's Circle. What Marian liked the most about Cullen, he didn't look down on her with disdain because of her magic. Why was that? He was a model templar, an officer of the Order that commanded respect because of his adherence to duty and regulations. But he bended those regulations to keep her out of Meredith's reach.

Ducking her body under the water, Marian stayed under for a minute, hearing the muffled noise of the falling water only. When her body demanded air, she broke the surface with a loud gasp. Cullen would be freed of her force cage and Marian was hesitant to return. She didn't want to see the man lying face down on the ground, empty lyrium bottles strewn around him and no pulse in his body.

Hands slid on her shoulders, making Marian jump and scream. Rushing around, her face met with Cullen's, his mouth closing over hers sensuously. There was no roughness, no anger, only tenderness and apology. He brought his hands up to cup her face between them. They still shook a little but there was more control. Breaking apart from the kiss, Cullen searched Marian's face. Water pounded over his broad shoulders.

He leaned in by her ear so she could hear what he had to say. "Thank you and I'm sorry, Marian."

Marian pulled back to look over the man. His eyes were still pinched with the lingering effects of the withdrawal but the dark shadow was gone and the light of the templar shone around Cullen again. He was beautiful, that admittance took Marian's breath away. _This is nothing but trouble_, the logical part of Marian berated her. _I don't care. _Marian's heart thudded in her chest. _He's worth the trouble._

Stepping back, Marian grabbed Cullen's hands and led them away from the waterfall and toward a ledge that water had eroded out of the rock face of the cavern. It was wide and deep enough for two people. The water was shallower, coming up to Marian's hips. Cullen's eyes widened a little upon gazing on Marian's body. Of course, he was unconscious of the fact that the shallow water exposed him, leaving a little smirk on Marian's lips as she gazed over his physique and manhood. He moved his hands to pull Marian closer and wrap her arms around his neck. His arms encircled her, one around her waist, the other stretching across her back and shoulders, the fingers reaching through her wet hair to cradle Marian's head.

The embrace was sensual and yet warm and loving. It was needed, for both of them, as both templar and mage gave a shuddering sigh of relief to be able to come together as man and woman, instead of mage and templar. Marian tightened her arms around Cullen's neck, burying her face into his neck. She trembled within his arms as one emotion after another cascaded through her. It felt so good, so right, to be here in Cullen's arms. Marian was unsure what she wanted from the templar but this was a good start to whatever it was that was happening between them.

Slowly, the pair eased away but kept each other wrapped in the other's arms. Cullen's eyes looked so green at the moment, that Marian's breath stilled. The man had gorgeous eyes, she thought, and they were focused only on her. "You need to clean up." Marian moaned inside for spewing out the flippant comment during the rather intimate moment.

Cullen chuckled softly, the sound making the hairs on Marian's neck rise. "I do. Was there soap among those chests?"

"Oh, yes! Good old, clean smelling Fereldan soap!"

"Maker, I do miss that!" Cullen grinned, his white teeth flashing at her. Marian felt a hot flush in her cheeks from that smile.

Pushing gently away from Cullen, Marian turned around to face the ledge and reached for the large creamy bar of milled soap. As she straightened up, Marian felt Cullen press his body behind her, pinning her between him and the ledge. He reached for the soap in her hand, his free hand caressing at her hip. Marian could feel his arousal behind her, as it hardened into her lower back and buttocks. Closing her eyes against the sudden flush across her skin, Marian allowed herself to rest against the man. Her body twitched as Cullen's hand with the soap slid over her skin slowly, going across the collarbone and down her chest, following the defined line from her breastbone and down her toned abdomen. She thought Cullen was going to slip even further but instead, slid the bar across her stomach. Marian watched as he brought his hands before her, lathering them up and placing the bar back on the ledge. Cullen's lips twitched at her ear, the hot breath coming from him doing erotic things throughout her body.

The lathered hands joined her slicked skin at the shoulders, and massaged them in gentle circles, working downwards on Marian. Long, strong fingers worked tension out of Marian but also caressed at her body. Cullen worked around the sides of her breasts and under them, before coming back to the round mounds. The soapy fingers slid over Marian's breasts, teasing the skin and flicking over the nipples. Marian gave a soft gasp as a jolt of electric pleasure went through her. Cullen lathered her breasts in slow circles, his fingers gently kneading and cupping the flesh in his hands. It was so sensual and erotic, that Marian had to bit her lower lip to hold back a moan.

"Don't hold back," Cullen rumbled into her ear, his voice breathless and heavy with enflamed passion.

She whimpered at the words, just as Cullen squeezed her nipples firmly. The whimper from her brought a twitch from Cullen's hard member at her back. He rolled them between his fingers, drawing out more whimpers and a soft moan from the mage. The templar worked his hands down across her abdomen, hands splaying across the toned stomach. Marian thought that Cullen was taking a possessive delight in her and in making her whimper and squirm. One of his hands slipped further, following the natural trail on her body, to brush the edge of her sex.

He moaned in her ear as his fingers found smooth, hot skin. "Oh, Maker, you keep it like this?"

"Yes." Marian spoke breathlessly.

Marian gasped as Cullen's fingers slid between her folds, sinking deeply near her core before pulling back up, his calluses grazing erotically over the nub. The teasing was leaving Marian trembling, her own fingers wanting to caress at skin, and mouth tasting the man behind her. Cullen, however, kept her pinned, his hand on her hip pressing her body against him. He teased at the hidden pearl slowly, smiling at Marian's mewling sounds and open panting mouth.

The mage trembled under Cullen's ministrations, as she felt his fingers slip through her and dipped in. It had been too long but some things were never forgotten, as Cullen proved when he thrust his fingers in and out of her core gently. She could feel his hot breath at her neck, hear him moan and murmur under his breath, encouraging her and telling her how beautiful she was. The man was hard as a rock and trembling behind her, making Marian crave for Cullen to fill her.

It wasn't long before she got her wish, as Cullen's fingers slipped out of her, and he kneed her legs apart. Marian turned her head into Cullen's, kissing at corner of his clenched jaw. The hand that held her pinned came up and caressed at her neck, while the hand that was pleasuring her slipped to his member, easing it behind Marian, to slide between her legs and through her wetness. Both of them moaned in unison, trembling at the heightened sensation. Cullen gently brought her leg up to rest at the edge of the low shelf, and went to press forward into her core.

A tremor shook through Marian as felt Cullen's thickness penetrate her. There was a little measure of pain but it was quickly replaced with deep pleasure. He slowly filled Marian, easing gently so he wouldn't release too soon. When Marian adjusted around Cullen, the man slowly moved within her. Cullen brought Marian's mouth to his, kissing her with open kisses, tongue teasing over her lips. She responded by sucking at his lower lip and running her tongue over the roof of his mouth.

The fires in them roared, making Cullen pick up the pace of thrusting. He let his free fingers tease and caress at Marian's sex, feeling her tremble under him. The tightening in his body grew from the middle of his chest down to the groin, building pressure that would be released shortly. Feeling Marian around him stoked his desire for the mage even more, as it was such a good fit and they naturally found a rhythm to complement each other's needs. For the time being, he was Cullen, a man who desired and sought after Marian. All titles were pushed aside, for right here and now, when he was with her, there was no need for them. Cullen thrust hard and held himself in Marian, as he felt her body tighten around him as she trembled violently from release. Giving a few more turns, Cullen moaned as the tight band in him snapped, sending waves of warm euphoria wash over him. This was a drug he would gladly have again, this natural high of pleasure. The man's hot seed spilled into Marian, as Cullen held her to him, kissing tenderly at her neck and shoulder.

Marian trembled and moaned deeply as waves of tingly sensation spread throughout her body. Each new thrust from Cullen made her see stars and then she felt him spill into her. That in itself was pleasurable, as Cullen never left her once as he continued to fill Marian with his seed. She was panting, breathless at the wondrous feelings cascading in her. It wasn't like this with Padraig. With Cullen, it was near overwhelming. The man was special, Marian thought.

After a while, before both of them collapsed from the pleasurable weakness, Cullen grabbed the bar of soap again and pulled them deeper into the water. Marian watched the radiating man, besotted with him and the look of carefree happiness on his face. It was a change from the wracking pain of hours ago. They took turns with the soap, truly washing each other instead of erotically teasing. Well, almost, for Marian's hands would linger too long in certain areas as she explored Cullen's body up close. When they finished, the pair headed back to the fire and bedrolls.

"What is anam cara?" Cullen asked her, as they lay back at the joined bedrolls back at camp, hair, and skin slightly damp.

Marian sighed in contentment and turned to look at Cullen, as he propped his head up. "The easiest way to explain that is to say it is a soul-friend. Father had us do a lot of reading regarding old Fereldan tales and customs, and I happened upon this old book of his written by a Fereldan Chantry lay brother."

"I never heard of this." Cullen said softly.

"There a lot of things in the Chantry that isn't known, my dear knight." Marian caressed at Cullen's rough cheek.

Cullen pondered this a moment, his eyes never leaving the mages face. "How long was I out that you had to pull me out of unconsciousness?"

"Over twelve hours." She frowned slightly, which Cullen used his fingers to smooth away immediately. "I was worried." Her eyes dipped down but Cullen brought her chin back up so Marian could see him.

"Thank you, for saving my life, and being a hard ass bitch when I would have killed myself by overindulging in lyrium."

Marian chuckled at the templar's choice of words. "You are very welcome, Cullen. I've seen a man do that in the height of the hysteria and….he died." She swallowed hard and fought back the rising tears. "I didn't want that to happen to you."

"Marian…" Cullen started to speak but was quieted by Marian's finger on his lips.

"I know you want to know the story but please, don't ask. It happened long ago in another life. Be happy with the knowledge that I know enough about the lyrium addiction in templars that I can help treat the withdrawal symptoms."

"Is there no way to wean off the stuff?" Cullen was curious.

"Yes, there is but it is a very long and painful road. I don't know what it would be like though with the Marcher lyrium."

"The stuff you fed me, it wasn't that strong."

"It's Fereldan brewed. It doesn't have the 'extra' additive."

His face scrunched up as he remembered Marian mentioning something about the addition in the lyrium given to Free March templars. Since he experienced a more violent reaction, Cullen was wary in wanting to go back on the stuff. Something of what he was thinking must have shown in his face, as Marian grabbed his chin.

"Don't even think of trying, Cullen! I don't want to go through that again!" Her voice was fragile and laced with worry and fear for him.

"I don't want to go through a reaction like that again, if that is what the lyrium from the Gallows will do to me! What other alternative is there?"

"Ship in lyrium from Fereldan." Marian suggested. "From an honest trader!" She added.

"But from who and from where?" Cullen asked.

"Kinloch Hold. I can have Bodahn set something up."

Cullen's face clouded at the mention of the Fereldan Circle. Marian was serious and that was plain to Cullen. She really didn't want to see him get started again on the Gallow's lyrium. "Why would you do this for me?"

"I…" Marian stopped. She didn't know exactly what to say for once. Cullen was incredibly sexy and beautiful, made her heart flip and dance, and a sense of protectiveness over him came out in her. To say it was love would be too soon. Marian still didn't agree with some of his duties, or the blind commitment to Meredith. Moreover, they argued terribly sometimes. In fact, she would go as far to say, they often butted heads on quite a few things. He wanted to protect her, and Marian felt that she could handle herself. Then again, Cullen's convictions and dedication attracted her to him. He wasn't unreasonable and despite her attempt many times to piss him off and make the man leave, Cullen stayed.

"I think I understand." Cullen said softly, his eyes smiling at her. Leaning down, the templar placed a lingering kiss on Marian's lips. "I feel the same, despite better judgment."

"Good. Now, are we done with all this serious heavy talk?" Marian quipped, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Cullen laughed and shook his head, "You are something else, Marian Hawke!" His fingers found her ribs and started to tickle at them. Marian squealed and squirmed, laughing breathlessly as the templar mercilessly held the mage within his probing fingers.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Abandon  
>Chapter Six<br>Author: CelticWolfwalker  
>Game: Dragon Age II<br>Pairing: F!Hawke/Cullen

* * *

><p>They walked over the last hill and looked onto the imposing city-state of Kirkwall. Marian was almost sad to be back but was certain her mother was frantic over where she was and if she survived the storm. The monstrous bronze statues at the west gate looked on blindly at the setting sun. Cullen stiffened next to her, his fingers searching hers and giving them a squeeze. Soon it was time to get back to their lives and don their respective roles again.<p>

Cullen looked at the walls, his mouth hardening already. His gaze slid over to Marian in her red dress that served to drive his passion for her more. Lifting a hand and brushing at the mark on her neck he had left, Cullen gave a self-satisfied smirk to the woman.

"Happy to have marked your territory, ser knight?" Marian teased the man.

"Just making sure you are aware that you are mine."

Marian sighed and rolled her eyes at the man but chuckled anyway at his possessiveness. After the past couple of days running along the winding roads of the coast, and the nights of incredible passion, Marian would never forget. After being with Cullen, why would she want another? The templar was anam cara, soul-friend. Now that they were back, their lives were diverging again.

"How is this going to work, Cullen?" Marian chewed at the bottom of her lip.

"I don't know. You will see me again, I'm sure of it." The man pulled Marian into his arms, tucking her head under his chin. "After all, you have this tendency to visit the Gallows regularly, on some errand or another. I'd say almost thumbing your nose at the templar's because of your status!"

"I will make sure the packages will get to you." Marian spoke into his shoulder, holding onto Cullen tightly.

"I have no fear about that. I will expect Bodahn. We better get going. I'm sure there are quite a few worried people wondering what happened to you."

"What about you?" Marian pulled away to look up at Cullen.

"I'm a templar, my dear. If we make it back from our forays, then it is luck. There will be no fanfares or 'welcome home' for me. I just go back to duty."

"I would welcome you home." Marian stated.

Cullen smiled down at her and leaned in to kiss her, out of sight of any gate guards. Marian held onto that kiss, savoring every moment she could. Her chest fluttered as Cullen deepened the kiss, drinking her in like a drowning man. When they needed air, they pulled away.

"Marian, you are my salvation." Cullen whispered. "Not that damnable stuff that has the templar's leashed."

"I was only someone there who knew how to help." Marian's voice wavered.

"You give yourself far too little credit, my dear. Now, come, the sun will be setting soon and I know I am looking for a good meal…"

"A hot bath and a soft bed!" Marian sighed happily.

Cullen chuckled but a touch of sadness was in his eyes that he kept from Marian. His bed was going to be lonely without her there next to him. How quickly he had fallen for the woman and now didn't know what he would do without Marian in his life. Change was on the wind in Kirkwall, and he had a feeling that she was going to be in the middle of it.

-}[]{-

A couple of months passed, everyone was relieved and excited that Marian survived the shipwreck. Varric and Isabella wanted the juicier story of the time spent with the knight-captain. They didn't buy the story of the mark on her neck when she arrived, that it was a pinch mark from getting stuck in between rocks. Marian waved them off though, keeping mum on the subject of everyone's favorite knight-captain. As promised, Marian talked with Bodahn to set up a shipping schedule from Fereldan for lyrium from the Circle there, to be delivered to Cullen. She did get the permission from First Enchanter Irving and Knight Commander Gregoire to acquire the lyrium. When Gregoire heard the results of the withdrawal from the Marcher concoction, Marian could see the fury in his penmanship.

With Solona in the Circle there, Marian had the resources needed to help the templar. She sat at her desk, reading over the latest missive from her cousin, a little dumbfounded when the other mage revealed something about Cullen.

"_Cousin, when you mentioned that you wanted to help Knight-Captain Cullen, I had to agree. You see, during his stay here in the Circle started off well, even if he didn't enjoy certain aspects of his duty. Such as being the templar that would have to kill me if I failed my Harrowing. He was sweet, soft-spoken, and abashedly innocent, or so I thought, when I had cornered him in an abandoned part of the tower and we shared a moment._

_Marian, take care with him. What Uldred did was…let's just say it left many of us who survived, shaken and emotionally scarred for the rest of our lives. Thank the Maker for King Alistair and his queen, giving us some measure of autonomy to rule ourselves and properly teach new apprentices without fear hanging over our shoulders._

_Gregoire and Irving are not happy about the lyrium situation in the Free Marches. Please, give my best wishes to Cullen._

_Your cousin,  
>Solona Amell"<em>

"Marian, dear," Leandra called to her in the study, "you have a visitor."

The tense note in her mother's voice alerted Marian that the visitor was someone she wasn't expecting, much less fond of in Leandra's books. Sighing softly, keeping her temper under control after reading her cousin's letter, Marian looked up to her mother. "Show them in, please." Her voice was surprisingly steady.

Leandra nodded and stepped back out, murmuring to their guest to go to the study. The quiet steps of Cullen entered, turning to shut the study door before facing Marian. Marian looked at the templar, who was out of armor but still wore a chain hauberk and tabard. Her first thought was that he looked well and Marian wanted to run into his arms and plant a hard kiss on the knight-captain. But Solona's words floated to the front of her mind, making jealousy rear up its ugly head.

"Knight-Captain, this is unexpected."

Cullen blinked at the formal greeting but followed along, treading carefully as he saw Marian's stiff and white knuckled posture. Something was wrong and he got a nagging feeling it had to do with him. He may not have much experience with many women, but a man could detect a woman's ire immediately, wanting nothing better than to find a rock to hide under.

"Messere Hawke, I wanted to stop by and personally thank you for your packages."

"You could have written a letter. It would be the proper thing to do for a man in your position." Marian's eyes were cool. Maker, she hated this and her tone was making Cullen flinch.

"Okay, let's quite the formal pretenses," Cullen said softly, taking a couple steps towards Marian, "what is going on? Why do I feel that I have done something and yet am not aware of being in the wrong?"

"Always to the point, hmm?" Marian cocked her head to the side. "Do you know Solona Amell, since we are cutting to the chase here."

"S..Solona?" Cullen swallowed nervously. His ears reddened immediately. "I knew her but it was long ago before Uldred turned the tower upside down and before the Blight."

"Just how well did you know her, Cullen?" Marian's voice turned icy.

"I was the templar assigned at her Harrowing." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck.

"And?" Marian raised an eyebrow, her hand clenching the back of her chair hard.

"And what?" Cullen shook his head in confusion.

"Were you intimate?" Marian ground out.

"Was I …what?" Cullen's face registered shock and then flashed with embarrassed anger. "Why are you grilling me about this, Marian?"

"Just answer the question!"

"No." Cullen replied evenly. "Not until you tell me what this pique of jealousy is about."

"Jealousy?" Marian said the word with a notably higher pitch and mentally kicked herself for proving Cullen right. "I want to know if you were intimate and how intimate! Is this something that has continued or…"

"Oh, for Maker's sake!" Cullen exploded forcefully, running his hands through his hair, laughing at the woman before him. She was jealous about an old infatuation that never developed. "It was nothing! I was young, and smitten by the young woman, against my better judgment."

"You do seem to have an issue with your judgment."

That was like a splash of ice water, making Cullen stare hard at Marian. She was serious about this and hurt. But why? Moreover, why the nasty words toward him? "My judgment has been better since that time, serrah."

"But you seem to have a trend of falling for Amell women, though."

Cullen blinked. Then it struck him, Solona's surname was Amell and he never made the family connection, since Marian's name was Hawke. Solona was her cousin, on her mother's side of the family. "Oh, fuck." Cullen cursed softly and then his gaze blazed at Marian, standing rigidly before him. "Marian, it was a short lived obsession. Nothing developed and there was no love lost on either side. I had wanted nothing to do with Solona after being released from Uldred's force cage."

"She seems to think that you had a rather intimate time." Marian's teeth ground together. "In fact, she wanted me to send her greetings especially to you!"

"Marian…" Cullen stepped up to the shaking woman, trying to remain calm before her jealous fury.

Marian put a hand on his chest to stop him from approaching, "Don't. I want to know am I some little obsession with you?"

"Are you…" Cullen sputtered, as Marian kicked the wind out of him. "Maker, why do you think that?"

"Because I'm a mage and an Amell!" Marian's voice rose. "Two things you seem to be attracted to! If I am another doxy to you, please, spare me the heart ache and leave my home!"

"No." Cullen planted himself in front of Marian, crossing his arms across his chest. The woman was being infuriating and irrational. If he had to prove himself to Marian Hawke that his affections were true and only for her, he would.

"No?"

"No. I am going to stay put and make you see reason."

"You insufferable bastard!" Marian yelled at him.

Cullen's mouth twitched but schooled his face back to blankness. The woman glared at Cullen and growled, making a move to walk around him. Snapping an arm out to block Marian, Cullen brought her back to him. He didn't see her hand before it landed on his cheek, making his ears ring and cheek sting. Marian ripped herself free of Cullen and stalked to the door of the study. Clearing his head, Cullen rushed to the door before her, slamming it back closed and keeping his hand on the door. He glared down at the obstinate mage.

"Marian, dear, is everything okay?" Leandra called through the door.

"No!" Marian called out.

"Everything is fine, messere Amell. I'm having a rather heated discussion with your daughter." Cullen called back, his eyes never leaving the trembling Marian.

"Oh. If you need anything, such as a switch or something of the sort, let me know." Leandra replied.

"Mother!" Marian yelled.

Cullen was surprised by Leandra's comment and chuckled. Marian glared hotly at him and growled, turning around toward the study again. The templar caught her arm again, roughly pulling her to his body. She struggled in his grasp but Cullen snaked a hand into Marian's hair and pulled her face up to meet his. He crushed her mouth as he met her lips. Marian tried to struggle, refusing to let the man in and even going so far as to bite his lip. A growl rumbled deep in his chest and Cullen held Marian closer, pressing his mouth and tongue on the obstinate woman. He never had to work so hard to prove himself to anyone.

Eventually, Marian stopped struggling in his arms and responded to the harsh demanding kiss. Her tongue slid over the split in Cullen's lip. He felt her hands slowly move around his chest, embracing him, as they leaned against the study door. Cullen softened the kiss, dragging them out and running his mouth down Marian's jaw.

"Don't you understand, Marian?" he whispered in her ear. "I risk my vows, my duty, even my life, to have you in my life." When Cullen felt he could loosen his grip on Marian, he did so.

"But…Solona…" Marian began but Cullen shushed her with a finger on her lips.

"She is nothing to me. I was young, foolish, and had a crush on her. However, Circle mages have a propensity to be free with themselves and don't mind having a short dalliance. I didn't like that."

"Anders did mention something about that regarding Circle mages."

Cullen stiffened at the name of the Warden apostate. "He's right. Is…is he..?" Cullen asked when he felt the pang of jealousy.

Marian laughed softly, surprise on her face, "Maker, no! He's a friend, that's all. Me, I seem to fall for templars."

"Hmm, is that so?" Cullen caressed her cheek with his thumb. "One day, you will tell me about him."

Her smile faltered, "When I'm ready, Cullen. Since your withdrawal, the memories are still raw."

"But I still live." His breath caressed at her ear, sending a soft shudder through Marian.

"Someday, my dear templar." Marian whispered back.

"Marian?" Leandra called again when things got too quiet in the study.

"I'm fine, mother. Why don't you take Bodahn and Sandal out shopping? Didn't you say you needed a new gown for that little party of some lord's?"

There was a pause and then Leandra spoke, "Knight-Captain, will you be all right in there with my feisty daughter?"

Cullen chuckled as he grinned at Marian. "Yes, messere, I am in good hands."

"Well, if she does anything to disrespect the templars, feel free to set her right." Leandra was practically cheery as she gave Cullen permission to have his way with her daughter. The templar bit his lip to keep from laughing harder.

"Yes, messere, I will make sure Marian is a perfect lady."

There was an audible snort as they heard Leandra leave through the front door. Cullen looked at Marian, the little storm had passed over and he was going to get this afternoon back on track. "Messere Hawke, would you care to spend the day with me?"

"What of your duties, Knight-Captain?" Marian's blue eyes sparkled with mirth.

"I have requested a couple of personal days, so the Knight-Lieutenant is in charge of the recruits while I am away."

"Ah, thus no plate, sword, or shield today." Marian observed.

"Yes, I came here with a purpose before you over reacted about something that never happened."

"I'm sorry about that. I just saw red when Solona hinted at something you shared."

"My dear," Cullen kissed Marian gently, resting his forehead against hers. "I am yours, as you are mine. Who else could put up with your sarcasm or sharp tongue, and not be driven off running for their life?"

"Well, I did try very hard with you." Marian grinned.

"Call me thick headed or stubborn."

"I still say that smiling looks best on you." Marian said softly, her fingers reaching up to caress at Cullen's mouth and the hidden dimples he had in his cheeks when he grinned widely.

"You are the reason for them, Marian."

Marian's cheeks reddened at the compliment. Stepping away from the man, Marian slid her hand in his and pulled on Cullen. She opened the study door and turned to the left toward the stairs to the second floor. She led the templar up the stairs and across the landing toward her bedroom. As they entered, Cullen turned to close the door and turn the key in the lock.

-}[]{-

The fire crackled away merrily, sap hissing and popping in the burning wood. It didn't matter as she sat there staring at the flames but not really seeing them. Gamlen walked into the study and approached Marian.

"Did you find her?" he asked, worry and concern laden heavily in his gruff voice.

"I…she's not coming home ever again." Marian spoke softly.

"Well?" Gamlen insisted more of an explanation from his niece.

"She was killed, uncle. He…" She couldn't bring herself to say it. It would break his heart, just as it broke hers now. Looking down at her hands, Marian felt her mother's life slip away.

"I hope you took care of the bastard!" Gamlen choked.

"He won't be troubling anyone else again." Marian confirmed.

"Good. Why did he do this? Leandra didn't do anything wrong except be her soft hearted self. Why were you not quicker to save her?" Gamlen accused Marian.

She rushed up from the chair and turned on her uncle, grief and anger plain in her face. "Don't you think I would have been there sooner if I knew exactly where the killer's lair was? If I did, I would have saved those other women too before they met mother's fate!" Tears spilled down her cheeks. "I wish I didn't have magic!" Marian retorted bitterly.

"Uh…" Gamlen was struck speechless by Marian's bitterness. "For what it's worth, Marian, you have done good for people with your magic. You are your father's daughter, as much I to hate to admit it. Malcolm was a good man."

"You should go to the Gallows and tell Carver what happened." Marian said.

"It would be better if it came from you, my dear." Gamlen said quietly, and turned to leave. He paused at the threshold of the study, watching Marian deal with the recent loss of her mother. Shaking his head, he left. "Maker help her." He muttered.

Marian watched the fire, her hands picking at the fabric on the headrest of the chair. Gamlen was right; she should go and tell Carver. He was going to blame her anyway, might as well complete this night of horror and failure.

As the late night ferry arrived on the dock, Cullen greeted Marian. He helped her off the ferry, searching her eyes and shook his head as he saw the redness from her crying. The dock was empty except for the ferryman, so Cullen risked pulling Marian into his arms to offer a small measure of comfort.

"I'm so sorry, Marian." He swallowed the rising lump in his throat.

"I wish…" Marian sighed deeply and grabbed the front of templar's tunic, hiding her face.

A rushing sound of footsteps sounded behind Cullen and Carver's voice pierced the night. "What are you doing with my sister?"

Marian raised her head and glared at her brother. "Have some respect, brat!" She hissed.

Cullen turned his head and gave a brief nod in greeting. Carver's mouth dropped and immediately saluted the knight-captain. His eyes narrowed though as he took in the officer and his sister. Walking up to them, Carver pulled Marian out of Cullen's arms. Marian looked up at her younger brother, amazed at how he had grown up and now towered over her.

"Mother…" Carver asked in a whisper.

She could only shake her head, not trusting herself to speak without breaking down right there on the docks. Marian was head of the family now and she had to be strong for her brother. It was only them left.

"Why didn't you get there sooner?" Carver hissed, his fingers digging into Marian's arms.

"Don't you think I would have had I known where this madman was? I did the best I could and it still wasn't enough!"

"She would be alive if you kept better watch!" Carver threw out the next accusation.

"Carver…" Cullen warned the younger templar in a quiet firm tone.

"Oh, yes, I am the fucking all-seeing mage that should have been prepared for everything!" Marian choked out bitterly, pulling away from Carver. "I should have had spirits in the Fade watching over the estate and inform me of a strange man sending mother flowers! Damn it, Carver, get your head out of your ass and realize that I hurt too! I was there, watching mother fade before my very eyes!"

"Uh…I…" Carver stood there, shocked at the vehemence of Marian's words. He had never seen this in his older sister. Never once did he glimpse the pain that she endured over the years because she was the one protecting the family after father died.

Marian shook her head, "For all your templar training, Carver, you are still wrapped up in your own world."

Cullen watched the siblings, noting the tension between them. This was a long time rivalry between the two but he knew that there was love, even if both of them never admitted it. Only he and Carver kept Marian's relationship unknown to Meredith. Now, Carver was going to have keep Cullen's own personal relationship with his sister, under wraps.

"Sister….Marian," Carver reached out to the woman again. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"No, you didn't." Marian's lips trembled. "I never wanted this responsibility but after father died, it fell to me to watch out for the family, that included you, you big oaf. What a girl supposed to do?"

"After Padraig…" Carver started but was hushed by a glare from Marian.

Cullen caught the slip and filed it away. He knew the name of Marian's templar now. "Look, we should take this inside and away from prying eyes and ears. Let's head to my quarters." Cullen suggested.

Marian nodded and pulled up the deep cowl of her cloak. Carver put his arm tentatively around his sister, giving Cullen a hard look as the knight-captain made to do the same thing. The trio walked away from the docks and headed into the Gallows and toward the templar barracks. When they reached Cullen's quarters and entered the front office, Marian threw back the hood. Wet tracks shone on her cheeks as she went to wipe them off.

"Carver, head to the night kitchen and get some drinks for us."

"But…" he started to protest, his jaw jutting out.

"Ser Carver, do as you're asked." Cullen hardened his tone.

"Yes, knight-captain,"

"Thank you, Cullen. I didn't want my dear younger brother see my weakness." Marian swallowed.

Cullen watched her for a moment. "It wouldn't hurt to let Carver know that you can be and do hurt, once in awhile."

Marian snorted softly. "I would never live it down. I am the bigger-than-life Hawke. He's my shadow. I'm supposed to be the smart, witty, and strong one."

"But you are not infallible."

"You know that, as do my friends." Marian said quietly. "But something about being the firstborn…that changes things."

"Your sister, the one that died…how did she treat you?"

Marian gave a ghost of a smile as Bethany's bright smile popped into her head. "She adored me, as I her. Really, at one time, all three of us were very close and nigh inseparable. At the time, I was the only one being trained by father; Bethany had yet to show the spark of magic. Father and I hoped she wouldn't have the talent."

"What?" Cullen blinked, as this was the first recrimination against magic he heard from Marian.

She laughed sardonically, "Oh, yes, he may have been a mage a and good one but father didn't take any delight in it. Remember what I said that he taught Bethany and I that magic was a tool."

Cullen nodded. "I remember."

"By Andraste's Ashes, Cullen, tonight, I wished I didn't have this…talent!" Marian cried out softly. "Everything that I lose in my life has been ruined by magic. You have thought that I am indecisive about the whole mage-templar issue, I'm not! I am for responsibility of magic and those that are supposed to protect the weak. Since coming to Kirkwall, I have seen nothing but desperation and barely controlled chaos."

Things clicked into place now for Cullen. Marian held similar beliefs as he did. With great power, comes great responsibility. Even he noticed that thin line was nearly erased into chaos between the mages and templars. He started to take a step toward Marian but Carver arrived with a tray that held a pitcher of wine and three glasses. The young templar set it down on Cullen's desk and poured out the wine for all of them. He gave Marian the first glass and handed the next to Cullen.

"I'm not good with what I want to say but," Carver paused, "let mother find peace at father's and Bethany's side in the Fade."

Marian nodded, "So say we all."

Cullen echoed the reply. "So say we all."

The all drained their glasses and Carver went around pouring more. Cullen sat back on the edge of his desk and watched the younger Hawke with his sister.

Carver stared into his glass, absently shifting from one foot to the next, silence reigning in the room. He looked up at Cullen, his eyes suspicious. "So, how long have you been sleeping with my sister?"

Cullen choked on a drink of his wine, coughing and wiping at the drops of wine from his mouth. Marian looked at her brother in shock. She was speechless and turning a bright shade of red. When Cullen's coughing settled, he pierced a look at the young templar. "I see boldness runs in the family."

"Yeah, thank my father and Marian for that." Carver replied. "Answer the question."

"Carver…" Marian choked out.

"Don't worry, Marian, I'm not going to say anything to Meredith. I haven't told her about you and she isn't going to hear it from me. The knight-captain knows this."

"This isn't the time to be discussing this!" Marian said with less conviction than she wanted.

"Yes, it is. This is one of the few times I see you here in the Gallows, sister, actually on a visit. I may have tolerated mother's visits but I really wanted to see you sometimes!" Carver said, a petulant tone filling his voice. "The knight-captain sees you more than I have in the past three years!"

"It's been about three years." Cullen answered Carver's question in a soft-spoken voice.

"And mother knew?" Carver raised his eyebrows, the wind taken out of his sails.

"She suspected but was too polite to say anything." Marian added.

Carver looked at the knight-captain and then his sister, and back. "Huh. I guess I don't need to mention what the consequences would be if the wrong person found out that the templar's second is boffing an apostate noble."

"Wow, Carver, diplomatic as always." Marian said snidely.

He only shrugged but his features held no recrimination for the couple. In fact, a little smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You best be mindful of her, knight-captain."

Cullen smiled, "Don't worry, Carver, I think I can handle your sister quite well."

Marian raised an eyebrow, "Oh, really?" However, a small smile shone through the wall of grief.

The watch bells sounded for the change of guard, which Carver gulped down the rest of his wine and started to rush out of Cullen's office. Before leaving, he turned smartly around and rushed to Marian, wrapping his sister in a huge embrace that picked her off her feet. When Carver put her down, he looked down into the matching Hawke blue eyes. "I do love you, Marian, though I may not show it. I only joined the Order so I could better protect you." Carver said softly, none of his brashness showing.

Marian was too dumbfounded to reply to her brother's sudden show of affection as she watched Carver rush out of the knight-captain's office, leaving Cullen and her alone.

"Well." Marian said.

Cullen came up to her and pulled her into his arms. Marian sagged against the man, the night's events finally taking its toll on her. "Let's get you home, my love." He rubbed soothingly at her back.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Abandon  
>Chapter Seven<br>Author: CelticWolfwalker  
>Game: Dragon Age II<br>Pairing: F!Hawke/Cullen

"Time to get up…Champion." A low sultry voice whispered in her ear. Marian groaned and turned over on her side. Her lips turned up as she felt soft, tantalizing kisses at her shoulder, and a callused hand caressing down her arm, to slide fingers through hers.

"Do I have to?" Marian whined a little.

"Yes, love, you do." Cullen's breath tickled the skin of her neck as he continued to tease at it with his mouth. "You need to be out of here before Meredith is up for her rounds. Thrask is probably waiting."

Marian sighed and turned her head to look into Cullen's eyes. The man he was when with her was very different from the one who wore the templar uniform. Cullen smoldered, was gentle and passionate, but could be demanding and possessive when it came to her. Their relationship had deepened, not without a few arguments now and then, but Carver kept his word and he, Thrask, and Aveline were the only ones who knew about them. Now Meredith knew that she was an apostate mage and Carver's sister, there was no use in hiding that aspect of her personae. Still, Marian was tolerated outside of the Circle because of her status in Kirkwall.

"I wish there was a time when I wouldn't need to leave you here and have to sneak out of the Gallows before first watch."

"I know." Cullen turned Marian around to face him, his hand going to caress across her skin, sending shivers down her spine. "Still, I get to wake up with you most mornings."

"Call me selfish, knight-captain, I want to wake up with you EVERY morning." Marian pouted.

Cullen ran his thumb along her pouting lips, a smirk forming on his face as he contemplated on how to wipe it off Marian's face. He pulled her face up to his mouth, slowly kissing the woman fully awake. It got the desired effect as Marian wrapped a leg around his hip and pulled him closer. The kiss deepened as the fires of passion slowly ignited in both of them. Rolling Marian onto her back, Cullen slid in her warm core and filled her.

"Cullen…" Marian moaned softly.

"Shhh…" He kissed her quiet, as it wouldn't do for their antics to be heard by any approaching templars. Marian, Cullen found out, wasn't shy nor quiet. It was fine with him, as Cullen was driven by every whimper and moan from the woman. His body moved slowly and deeply in her, making Marian already moan harder.

"Cullen," Marian breathed, "Thrask…"

"There is a little time yet. I am going to have you before you leave." Cullen growled into her ear, as he moved his hand along her thigh and held it at his hip. "Call me selfish, too, my love." He thrust harder, clamping his mouth over Marian's outcry.

Marian's fingers grasped through Cullen's tight waves, her mouth kissing, teasing, and nipping at the templars lips in the way that drove him wild. With each nip, Cullen nearly slammed his body into her, making her cry loudly. The knight-captain had at one point placed a hand over Marian's mouth to quiet her but the woman took his fingers in and began sucking on them, making the man moan harder. The intense rhythm of their bodies rocking soon left them trembling, satiated, and tangled in each other and the bed linens. Cullen laid half on top of Marian, his face nuzzled into her neck, his lips teasing at the latest love bite he placed there.

A predetermined knock sounded at the outer door of the knight-captain's quarters, announcing the arrival of Thrask, also, that Meredith was on the way and in a hurry. Marian and Cullen froze and glanced at each other.

"Maker's Breath!" Cullen exploded. "What is she doing out so early? You have to stay here and be absolutely quiet!" He disentangled himself from Marian and rushed out of the bed. The room smelled of Marian's sandalwood perfume and sex, making Cullen groan and pray that Meredith would stay out in his office. His mind was frantic with trying to keep Marian's presence unknown in the Templar Quarters of the Gallows.

Cullen went to the window in the bedroom and cracked it open, shivering at the brisk autumn air. Then he rushed to the wardrobe, threw open the doors and grabbed a heavy robe, wrapping his body in it. Marian watched him, amused and laid back, the bed linens barely covering her body. His groin throbbed and Cullen gritted his teeth to keep the noticeable arousal from showing under the heavy robes.

"Knight-Commander, the knight-captain is just waking up!" Thrask exclaimed loudly as the bold stride of Meredith made its entrance into Cullen's office.

"Then I will wait here until he is presentable. I won't take much of his time. Something has come up and I need him on top of it. Now, please, go fetch some tea and muffins for both of us."

"Yes, ser."

Cullen rested his head on the door before rushing quietly over to Marian and leaning down to her. "Please, absolute quiet!" he hissed.

"Oh, I do love how flustered you are!" Marian teased him.

"Maker help me, Marian, I don't want anything to happen to you!" He kissed her roughly and straightened up, running his hands through his hair. When he felt he was collected enough, Cullen opened the door and stepped out. "Good morning, Knight-Commander."

"I'm sorry to have disturbed your rest so early, Cullen, but I need you to check on something for me at your earliest convenience. You also might want to enlist the Champion's help." Meredith almost spat the title out of her mouth. Cullen held his face blank as he listened to his commander.

"What could possibly need help from the Champion?" Cullen asked, curious as to why Meredith would allow the apostate to help him.

"She is not without resources and seems to have done some good work for us in the past. Especially in helping you with the recruits and smugglers." Meredith's cold blue eyes looked intensely at the knight-captain. "I still am unsure of where her loyalties lie…"

"It seems her loyalties are with Kirkwall, Knight-Commander." Cullen interjected.

"Everyone has a preferential side, Cullen." A hardness came into the woman's voice. "She's a mage, so I'm sure she would see to other mages first."

Cullen's brow furrowed a little, catching a glimpse of Meredith's paranoia. More and more of it were showing in the past couple three since the qunari's defeat by Marian's hands. "I have never seen anything but impartiality from serrah Hawke, Meredith."

"Maybe. I need both of you to check on some rumors of a group of templars helping mages. I have been…hearing things that we may have traitors in the ranks."

The templar frowned slightly. Cullen didn't like the assignment and that Meredith wanted to get Marian involved, meant the knight-commander suspected something of the Champion's involvement. Though, he knew Marian had no involvement in such a thing. Meredith was looking for an excuse to trap the Champion and imprison her in the Gallows.

"I will send for the Champion to meet with me here and see if she has heard anything." Cullen dipped his head in acceptance of the task. One thing, it gave a perfect excuse to explain why Marian would be in the Gallows once she cleaned up and dressed.

"Good. I know she has eyes and ears in the lower city, so maybe something has crossed her path."

Thrask arrived with a tray of tea and muffins, setting it on Cullen's desk. Cullen thanked the man and dismissed him. Thrask gave him a brief look before saluting his superior officers. Meredith poured a cup of tea for both of them, handing Cullen one before taking the second. She took a judicious sip of the hot beverage before returning her gaze on her second-in-command.

"Tell me, Cullen, how would you describe your relationship with the Champion?"

Cullen's hand paused with the cup to his lips before bringing it down again. "We have become friends over the years. I do not agree with everything she does but Hawke has not done anything to harm the Order."

"You oversee the training of young Carver Hawke, do you not?"

"I do." Cullen took a sip, wondering where Meredith was leading with these questions.

"A promising apprentice and very dedicated, despite his sister being an apostate." Meredith commented lightly.

"There is a bit of sibling rivalry." Cullen replied neutrally.

"Ahh, yes. A young man trying to get out of his older sister's shadow of recognition and fame. It is enough to drive a man to excellence and to prove himself." Meredith paused and then shook her head slightly. Setting her cup down, she stood up from her chair.

Cullen stood, adjusting his robe and saw the commander to the door. "I will get on these rumors straight away, Meredith." He promised her.

"Good, Cullen. I know I can count on you to do your duty." Meredith fixed him with a cold stare before leaving his quarters.

He closed the door quietly, his hand shaking from the unnerving conversation with the templar commander. She suspected, Cullen concluded. He turned around as the bedroom door opened and Marian stood there, wrapped in a sheet, her eyes serious. Sighing, Cullen walked over to her, taking Marian into his arms.

"Cullen, you can't tell me that Meredith is not starting to lose it." Marian said softly.

"I am beginning to wonder, my love. She is looking for reasons to take out any opposition that gets in her way. My dear, that means you are her target." He kissed the top of Marian's head, stricken with worry and torn between protecting Marian and his duty to the Order.

"We better get washed up and dressed." Marian suggested as she pulled away from Cullen. "It's funny that Meredith mentions this as I received a letter from Orsino to meet with him."

"What?" Cullen was surprised. "The First Enchanter asked to meet with you?"

"Yes, it seems he needs the Champion's help."

"Marian, I don't like this! Meredith and Orsino are starting to pull the Gallows apart with their suspicions and paranoia."

"Cullen, my love," Marian placed a hand on his cheek, "they have been doing this for years. It is just now coming to a head. We need to keep this powder keg from exploding and destroying Kirkwall."

"Maker help us all if this does explode." Cullen kissed Marian softly and led her to the bathing room.

-}[]{-

After the fighting was finished, Marian surveyed the field of bodies, both templar and apostate Circle mages, and shook her head. Why? Why did it always come down to blood magic in order to get freedom? Thrask, the templar who started this little movement deserved better. Marian walked over to the fallen templar and kneeled beside him. He was a friend to both her and Cullen, approving of their relationship and often covered for the couples forbidden involvement. Tears fell down her cheeks as Marian laid her fingers over his eyes, closing the sightless gaze.

"Maker take you to His side, Ser Thrask, and bless you for what you have tried to accomplish in order to better the lives of others." She whispered a prayer to the fallen man.

Her eyes took in the still form of her brother, who was held in some sort of magical sleep. The young man she helped years earlier, Alainn, came over to her. "I can wake him." He told Marian tentatively, shock and fear was audible in his voice. "Grace used blood magic to hold your brother. Unfortunately, it is the only way to release him."

She cringed at that, already feeling sick to her stomach with all the blood on the ground and on the bodies. "Do what you must, Alainn, but he better be unharmed!" Marian said roughly.

The young mage nodded and took out a small knife. Kneeling before Carver, Alainn laid the knife-edge over his wrist and started chanting. As he chanted, Alainn sliced into the skin and blood started to drip. Before it fell to the ground, it swirled and expanded around his hands. Marian had to avert her eyes lest she be sick on the ground.

The subtle shift of magic told her that the mage was done and she risked a look over to Carver. Her brother took a deep breath and blinked. Marian hurried over to his side, ready to help him up from the ground. When his eyes fully opened, Marian smiled crookedly but relief shone in her eyes.

"I thought you were better than this. Letting a couple of templars take you out like you were nothing but a kitten!"

Carver's mouth twitched, "I didn't know they were going to take me out on a trip. Or else I might have dressed appropriately." His eyes looked down at the bedclothes and sighed dramatically.

Varric chuckled. "Well, I think Junior is fine."

"Come on, Cullen should be here soon to take you back to the Gallows." Marian said quietly.

As the two siblings stood up, Carver gave Marian a brief nod to his sister. Shortly after, Cullen and his trusted templars arrived, along with Samson.

"See, Knight-Captain, they were here!" the man went on and then took in the massacre. "Well, Hawke, I guess they didn't want to converse."

"What can I say, they didn't agree with my terms." Marian shrugged apologetically toward Cullen. His eyes bored hard into hers, as she imperceptibly shook her head and guided him toward Thrask's body.

"I shouldn't be surprised to find a mess wherever you go, Hawke." Cullen spoke, keeping his voice neutral.

"Hey, we were helping with your mess, Cullen." Varric snorted. "Be thankful we stopped them from bringing a whole new mess of trouble on your shoulders."

"Corporal, take the apostates into custody." His voice hardened. Cullen then turned back to Marian. "What would you have me do with them?"

"Be lenient with them. Alainn here stood up against Grace and saved Carver. The others didn't join the fight and are not the cause of this."

"Meredith won't like this but…I will try to talk her into a wiser course of action." His lips compressed into a thin line of contained displeasure.

Marion knew he was upset but with an audience around, they couldn't talk. If they did, she was sure it was going to be quite the argument. She knew she was taxing Cullen's limits of authority but Marian didn't want mages who didn't join the fight against her or her party to be punished for Grace's actions.

Cullen walked up to her and quietly spoke, "We are going to have to talk about what happened here, Marian." His hazel eyes were hard. "Go home and I will call upon you."

He didn't give her a chance to say anything as the templar turned his back on Marian and followed his men with their charges. Varric's eyes narrowed as he watched the pair and then snorted again. Aveline gave a comforting touch on her elbow before taking Isabella up the path.

"So, Hawke, what is going on with you and our favorite knight-captain?"

"What do you mean, Varric?" Marian replied lightly as she gathered her staff and made to follow the guard-captain.

"Hey, this is me you are talking to! The man who watches people for a living? The templar captain was a little too cozy for such a casual acquaintance."

Marian sighed and scuffed at the sand, "Varric…it's complicated."

"Uh huh." Varric planted himself in front of the mage, folding his hands across his chest. "Spill, girlie. What with Anders flirting and Broody's pining, you haven't looked their way with 'that' look, like you just did with Cullen."

"And what exactly is 'that' look, Varric?" Marian cocked an eyebrow at the dwarf.

"The 'I'm-in-love' look, Marian."

_Oh, shit!_ Marian cursed inwardly. Varric saw it and to hone the point down, used her given name. She couldn't back out of this with any plausible excuse to delay affirmation or deny that look meant nothing.

"Let's start walking, Varric." Marian delayed.

"Okay, but start talking as we walk."

"Don't use this for one of your trashy stories, Varric! I would never live it down if Cullen found out that he was the inspiration for one of your…unsavory stories."

"My stories are not unsavory!" Varric scoffed playfully. "Well, some may be sordid but they are still tasteful! But, alright, I promise, this won't go into a story." He paused and looked sideways at Marian. "It's serious, isn't it?"

"It is." Marian sighed. "Not that we haven't had our fair share of differences over the years but, yes, I'm in love, Varric."

"Ah, so there was more to that 'lost at sea' trip than you let on." Varric said. "Let me get this straight, isn't this a no-no by Chantry law?"

"Yes. Then that is where things get a bit muddy there, I'm not a part of the Circle, and not under Chantry jurisdiction. Still, Cullen's duty as a templar is at risk if our relationship ever got back to Meredith and the fanatical templars."

"You don't have to tell me twice, Hawke! For all its worth, if he makes you happy, then I'm happy for you. I guess he can't be all that bad if he managed to catch and hold on to you!" Varric chuckled.

"What are you trying to say, Varric?" Marian crooked a smile to him.

"That you can be a tad difficult at times?"

The mage truly did laugh, which brought looks back to them from the two other women in front of them. "I will admit that I can be…challenging, but I do keep Cullen on his toes."

"As I'm sure he keeps you on yours. I won't envy you the next time you two talk. He was positively radiating anger before he left."

Marian sobered immediately, chewing at her bottom lip. "I know. I pushed a bit far with asking clemency for those mages."

"Especially after his templars are laying dead on the ground by our hand."

"I know, Varric." Marian said quietly.

"Let's hope Junior backs you up." Varric tried to reassure his friend.

-}[]{-

"Come in, messere!" Bodahn greeted Cullen cheerfully. "You did get your last shipment alright?"

"Yes, Bodahn, I did and thank you for doing this for all these years."

The former merchant waved his hands at Cullen, "There is nothing I wouldn't do for Marian."

"Is she in?" Cullen asked, his back teeth already starting to grind at the upcoming fight that was inevitable.

"Yes, she's in the conservatory, looking after her mother's prized orchids."

"After all these years?" Cullen looked at the dwarf curiously.

"I think it keeps her in touch with messere Amell when she is troubled."

"I see." Cullen knew that Marian tended the flowers and plants in the estate's conservatory as a way to help center and calm herself after a grueling day. Also, as Bodahn had mentioned, it was a way for Marian to feel close to her departed mother. Now he had to go in there and confront the woman in her sanctuary, ruining any peace that she may have managed. Cullen already felt horrible but this matter of her pushing his authority upset him more. His duty was to have the runaways locked up pending execution, no matter if they did partake in the ensuing confrontation with Marian and her companions. They left the Circle and committed treason, and that couldn't go unpunished lest others got a similar notion and started an uprising. However, Cullen believed deep down that it was going to happen anyway and was waiting for a spark to light the fire.

Bodahn already left Cullen's side to go attend to something in the estate, leaving the templar to walk through the great room, dining room, and finally to the enclosed greenhouse. The door was open and Cullen walked quietly into the conservatory. The humidity was higher than the rest of the estate but wasn't uncomfortable. Earthy and sweet smells filled his nose as he wound through the healthy vegetation, until he found Marian. She was dressed in an old shirt with the sleeves rolled up and worn breeches. Cullen still was amazed that the woman walked around barefoot in her home.

Sensing his presence, Marian glanced at him and gave a perfunctory nod. "Knight-captain." She greeted Cullen.

He moaned, knowing that when she started with his title, the ensuing conversation wasn't going to start well. "You asked me to risk my duty in order to give those apostates a hope that Meredith would be lenient with them!" he started.

"Is it not the duty of a templar to protect? When those of his own order go against the tenants' in order to overthrow their superior officer, is not your duty to handle the matter?" Marian spoke evenly and in a conversational tone. The hairs on the back of Cullen's neck stood up in warning. "While those Circle mages," Marian stressed 'Circle', "may have thought to be doing the right thing in wanting to work peaceably with templars, they were not aware of one's ulterior motives. Are they to be held responsible for one woman's desire for power?"

"You are arguing semantics!" Cullen growled.

"I'm arguing a valid point that we always seem to come back to over the years." Marian turned to face Cullen, brushing the dirt off her hands. "Is the community responsible for the acts of one person? More and more, the knight-commander believes so!" Now there was a little heat in Marian's words.

"Marian, this is not about…"

"But it is. She used you, to use me…to entrap me in this fucking mess!" Marian's eyes glittered with held in fury. "I try to remain neutral in this incessant power struggle between you templars and the Circle but it gets harder and harder every day."

"That is unfair and you know it." Cullen crossed his arms.

"Oh, really? And where do you stand, knight-captain?"

"You know perfectly well where I stand!" he bit out with force.

"Yet you come in here, in my home, and berate me for asking that you use your better judgment regarding mages whose only mistake was following Grace!"

"You ask too much of me sometimes, Marian. Meredith already suspects our involvement and today's fiasco would have proven that I would forgo templar duty in order to keep peace with you. I can't do that and expect the Gallows to remain in one piece!"

"You never do anything that you don't already have an inclination to do, Cullen!" Marian yelled. "I asked you to use reason, not because of some emotional entanglement that we have! I will not be played the pawn in this templar power struggle!"

"No one is…"

Marian held up her finger to Cullen, "Think first before you speak next for it may change what is between us."

A cold shiver ran down Cullen's spine at Marian's tone. This was taking its toll on both of them, with some things being said in haste and Marian was essentially telling him to stop and think before doing irreparable harm. His love for her, or his duty, Marian was silently asking. Maker help him, he loved her deeply and didn't realize it until that moment. He worked his jaw, as a battle was raging within him. He fervently wished Meredith hadn't visited him this morning, or that they went to the Wounded Coast to find treasonous templars and runaway mages. This day brought grief as a friend died at a blood mage's hands. Looking into Marian's eyes, he saw the same battle of anger and sorrow warring within. What shocked him to the core, was the love for him shining through.

Cullen was torn. Their wills came to an impasse and neither he nor Marian was giving ground. He was a templar, his faith and belief in Andraste's teachings is what pulled him through the horrors of Kinloch Hold. Thrask was doing a good thing but the man let a bad influence in and thus, ruined the tenuous group. If only the man stayed focused on the teachings of the Chant and didn't get involved with an attempted coup! Cullen knew Marian was right that she was being forced to choose a side. Orsino was pulling her to help the mages, as she was a mage. Then Meredith was pulling Marian to work with the templars in destroying the mages because of Marian's dislike of blood magic. To make matters worse, Meredith intentionally involved him to either save Marian or be her downfall.

"Maker help us, Marian." Cullen spoke softly. "I can't put you in this situation any longer." His heart grew leaden as the decision came to him.

"Cullen, no…" Marian's anger drained out of her and replaced with hurt.

He took a step toward her and took Marian into his arms. Resting his cheek against Marian's hair, he inhaled, taking in the essence of the woman he loves. All he ever wanted was to love Marian, and protect her. "I will not let Meredith force me to make you choose, my dearest love." Cullen's voice hitched.

Marian pulled back in his arms and searched his face, tears already slipping down her face. "Please, don't do this!"

Lifting a hand to wipe at her tears, Cullen closed his eyes. "I don't see any other way. Until things change, this is going to tear us apart even more until we hate each other. Marian, I don't want that! I love you too much to put you in the middle of this struggle." He swallowed hard.

Marian blinked slowly, hearing for the first time in years that Cullen said he loves her. It was such a bittersweet moment and on some level, Marian knew that the man was being noble in trying to keep her away from the situation brewing in the Gallows. "I love you, Cullen." She whispered, bringing her face to kiss Cullen.

To his ears, those were the sweetest words he ever heard. To finally have his affections returned was a blessing, and by the woman he wanted, made it incredible. Leaving her made it all the more difficult. Cullen drew out the kiss, trying to make it last for as long as possible. His fingers felt more of her tears slip. Regretfully, he pulled away, his thumb brushing across Marian's lips for the last time.

Before he lost his nerve, Cullen turned around and left, leaving his heart behind with Marian. Once he was out of the estate, he leaned against the doorway and brought his tear soaked finger to his mouth. The last taste of Marian was of her tears.

-}[]{-

Marian stood alone in the conservatory, openly crying while her heart broke. The love of the man she wanted wasn't enough to keep him. Damn the duty and faith, couldn't love be enough? However, the logical part of her mind interceded and said Cullen didn't want to leave, he was only doing it to protect Marian and keep her away from the Gallows gradual implosion.

She was the Champion of Kirkwall. She was an unharrowed mage. She was a sister and friend. Right now, Marian was a woman in love that had a breaking heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Abandon  
>Chapter Eight<br>Author: CelticWolfwalker  
>Game: Dragon Age II<br>Pairing: F!Hawke/Cullen

"I think that is enough, sweetie." Isabella pulled the tankard from Marian's hands.

"No! It will…never be enough!" Marian groaned as the world swam before her eyes. The pain inside was still there, only dulled by the drink but not gone. Thankfully, her mother wasn't alive to see the mess she gotten herself into. Damn the Maker and Andraste for making a man's vows come first! Her head thudded to the table while Marian hiccupped and moaned. However, Cullen's faith and commitment was what attracted her to him.

"Why don't you tell Izzy what this is all about?" The pirate rested her arms across Marian's shoulders and moved the mage's head onto her shoulder.

"Why do men have to be so fucking honorable?" Marian murmured.

"Oh, sweetie, not all men are. Or are you referring about a particular one?" Isabella prodded, though she knew that Cullen was the cause of Marian's miserable state. Seeing her friend's heartbreak brought back old memories of her own that Isabella had to try soothe Marian.

"One in particular." Marian hiccupped. "In my head…I know he is doing…the right thing buuut…can't love ever be enough? Why can't I have someone that would stay for once?" She wailed into Isabella's shoulder. "Everyone leaves me."

Isabella stroked at Marian's hair and softly cooed at the woman, "My sweet thing, love isn't simple or easy. It makes us do stupid things and it is selfish but in time, it does win out."

"I just want to throw Meredith and Orsino into the Void and let those two fight it out for eternity and leave the rest of us alone!"

The pirate pulled Marian up and looked the mage in the eye. They were red from drink and crying, her face was tear stained and had been for hours since Marian showed in the Hanged Man after her meeting with Cullen. Isabella happened upon the knight-captain as he headed toward the docks. The man was suffering too, Isabella noted. Love between a mage and templar wasn't an easy thing and call her a romantic but Isabella wished that these two could change people's minds regarding the way mages and templars had to be.

"Look, sweetie, I know you are hurting but so is Cullen." Isabella explained gently. "And yes, I know about him and have for years. I don't know what was said but I am sure he is only doing this to look out for you. As we all do, luv." She smoothed a strand of Marian's hair from her eyes. "You have had it pretty well here in Kirkwall, being a mage and all. But, in my experience, luck eventually runs out."

"I think it started to ever since I defeated the Arishok." Marian grumbled. "I have been pulled between two groups in this damn city, get blackmailed by my own friend, and live in a large estate, with no family there."

"Blackmailed?" Isabella inquired. "Who blackmailed you?"

Marian waved a hand, brushing off the inquiry. "It's nothing now. I turned him down because I didn't agree with the course of action he was taking. Then add to it the events of today, all I want to do is run away and hide!"

"Oh, dearie, running is never the solution. You should know that after I tried."

Marian looked clearly at Isabella and almost cracked a smile. "I'm sorry for being so…so maudlin."

"Think nothing of it. Having had my heart broken, while breaking a few myself, I know what you are going through. Sweetie, things will work out in the end."

"Only if the Maker walks the land again and changes the plight of mages and templars." Marian muttered. She rubbed at her face and sighed deeply. "I think…I think…I think I'm going to be sick." The mage turned her head away from Isabella and leaned over her chair to release the watery contents of her stomach.

One of the bar wenches came over with a towel and looked at Marian sympathetically before cleaning up the mess. Marian apologized as she wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. Normally, Korff would have watered the ale down so this wouldn't happen but when he saw the shape you were in, he didn't. So, I'm not surprised that you got sick."

"Oh, Maker," Marian gave a little sob. "Izzy, I need to go." She stood up and stumbled immediately. A strong hand grabbed her elbow and helped steady her.

"I'll see that she gets home, Isabella." Donnic told the pirate. "Let Aveline know that Marian is safe and sound."

"D...Donnic?" Marian blinked up at Aveline's husband and the guard-lieutenant.

"Yes, hun, it's me. Come on, let's get you home. Isabella warned me before hand that you might pay a visit and we don't need fireworks in the Hanged Man from a drunken mage."

"I don't…do fireworks!" Marian protested weakly.

Donnic chuckled, "Not at first but you do have a mean right hook." He led Marian around the tables and toward the door to the tavern. Once outside, the chilly night air helped clear some of the alcohol fog in Marian's head.

The guard helped Marian back to Hightown, leaving the woman to her misery and thoughts. Marian was thankful because she didn't want to talk anymore. Isabella tried to help but she still hurt inside. When they arrived at the estate, the door opened with Bodahn ushering the pair inside.

"I have a bath ready for her already." The dwarf said.

"Thank you, Bodahn." Marian patted clumsily at his cheek. "You take good care of me. All of you do." Marian included Donnic in her wandering gaze. "Now, if you will excuse me, I am not feeling so well." She walked slowly and unsteadily to the stairs, leaning heavily on the baluster as she ascended.

Oriana tittered as she saw the shape her mistress was in and immediately guided the intoxicated woman to the bathing room.

-}[]{-

The next few weeks, Marian turned down several job offers from people, preferring to either hide in the conservatory or drink at the Hanged Man with Varric. The merchant guild dwarf kept Marian in his suite when she dropped by for drinks, not wanting to expose the noble to Lowtown lechers and gossip. Her mabari gave a little whine when his mistress would drink, sighing but remaining at her side faithfully.

Marian had received a couple of letters from Carver, asking after her, and inquiring what was going on between her and Cullen. He mentioned that Cullen was driving himself hard with extra training and surprise drills on the recruits and apprentices. The knight-commander was becoming secluded and only came out to send a group of templars into the Circle searching for non-existent evidence of maleficars.

She never replied. Marian could feel the tension ramping up in Kirkwall but didn't want to get involved in the brewing crisis. After the last time she helped the Gallows, her personal life shattered. Everyone wanted the support of the Champion, everyone wanted the Champion to fix the wrongs in the city. Everyone wanted something from Marian and she was getting sick of it. What about her wants? Every time she wanted something for herself, something came along and took it away.

First, it was her father, who finally met a disgruntled man's blade for failing to heal his wife. Next, Bethany, who charged an ogre foolishly and wound up like a broken doll. Then, came Carver, who decided it was best for him to make his way and joined the templars. After that, came mother, who was killed because she looked like some lunatic mage's long deceased wife. During these past years in Kirkwall, Marian met Cullen, worked for him and eventually got romantically involved, flaunting Chantry law. But she loved him, loves him still and wished fervently that things were different and they could be together. Again, fate stepped in and took even that away from her.

"You're grinding your teeth." Varric interrupted Marian's dark thoughts, as he looked at her over his business ledgers.

"I'm sorry, Varric."

The dwarf sighed and put down the papers. "Things are not going well, Hawke. And now your own sunny disposition is clouded by this dark brooding quagmire. I swear Fenris gave you lessons!"

A flicker of a smile came to Marian's lips. "Just going over what has happened in my life and realize, everyone wants something of me. Yet, I have sacrificed so much that I feel like I am going to break soon."

"No you won't. You are too stubborn to let things get you down for long. You despise those who live in their misery. Look, Hawke, you bring a bright ray of sunshine into the lives of the two broodiest men I know, because of your friendship and not putting up with their bullshit."

Marian sighed deeply, "That's just it, Varric. What about me? What about what I want? What I need? The man I want is untouchable! I can't find myself to even care about what happens in the Gallows or Kirkwall."

Varric stared hard at Marian, never hearing the note of desperation or hopelessness before in his friend. Even after Leandra's death, Marian grieved for a time but bounced back. The woman had a strong support group going for her with him and the others. But, she also had Cullen, and the templar did more to bolster Marian's self-confidence and worth than any of the others. Love is a bitch, Varric snorted softly.

"How much can one take, Varric, before they are broken beyond repair?" Marian asked the dwarf quietly.

"Oh, Marian…" Varric started but was interrupted as a courier rushed in, heaving.

"Champion!" the young man heaved. "You are needed!"

"Tell whoever needs me to go and leave me be."

The courier shook his head, "This time, you can't. Orsino and Meredith are going head to head right in the market! Templars and mages are gathering!"

"Oh, shit!" Both Marian and Varric said.

Marian rushed from her chair and snatched her staff. Varric grabbed Bianca and followed the woman out of the Hanged Man. Varric nodded to Isabella to come along. Already, the patrons of the tavern were exiting and wandering to the marketplace, as news of the confrontation spread through Lowtown. Once outside, Marian rushed through the gathering crowd, her mabari at her heels, growling at people to move. The heated and loud voices of the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter could be heard clearly. Fenris spotted Marian and rushed to her side.

"This was bound to come to head sooner or later." He rumbled.

"Just when I was feeling sorry for myself and these two interrupt my self-pity party." Marian quipped.

The Tevinter elf looked at Marian and gave a small smile. He pushed people clear ahead of Marian, as they reached the gathered Circle mages and templars. Marian spotted Cullen immediately at Meredith's left and frowned.

"I will have the tower searched, top to bottom!" Meredith's commanding voice rang.

"You cannot do that! You have no right!" Orsino replied heatedly.

"I have every right! You are harboring blood mages and I intend to root them out before they infect this city!"

Orsino growled and threw up his hands in disgust. "Blood magic! Where do you not see blood magic? My people cannot sneeze without you accusing them of corruption!"

Meredith got into Orsino's face, "Do not trifle with me, mage. My patience is at an end."

"A wonder that I never saw it begin." Orsino snorted sarcastically.

Marian rushed up to the fighting pair and slammed the butt of her staff on the ground to gain their attention. "The way you two carry on, people will talk." Despite the witty remark, her eyes were flat with checked exasperation and anger.

Meredith turned her head to look at Marian and a measure of relief came to her face. Marian's eyes narrowed slightly, just as Cullen bristled at his commander's side. "Good, you've found us."

"The Champion will not stop me. The people deserve to know just what you've done!" Orsino stated.

The templar commander turned back to Orsino, grinding her teeth, "What I have done is protect the people of this city, time and again! What I have done is protect you mages from your curse and your own stupidity! And I will not stop doing it. I will not lower our guard, I dare not!"

"Enough!" Marian interjected. "I swear, it is like two children fighting over a favorite toy! Orsino, is there any truth to what Meredith is saying?"

"She is going to say that just so she can have an excuse to go through the tower and kill mages!" Orsino huffed.

"Please, just keep to the topic." Marian sighed.

"Are we mages to be forever persecuted for being what we are, the mere act of defending ourselves confirmation of our guilt?"

"What other option do we have?" Meredith responded. "Shall we look the other way? Tell the poor victims of a possessed mage that we meant no harm? Tell me, Champion, have you not seen with your own eyes what they can do, heard the lies of mages that seek power?"

"Meredith, you can't use the actions of some to condemn them all. I'm a mage and I have not once chosen to use blood magic!" Marian sighed.

Orsino stepped forward, pressing in on Meredith's and Marian's space. Marian felt crowded and tried not to back away from the bickering pair. Cullen sought her eye and gave a look of sympathy and regret. "You would cast us all as villains, but it is not so!" Orsino exclaimed to Meredith.

Meredith softened a little, regret showing briefly through her cold mask. "I know, and it breaks my heart to do it, but we must be vigilant. If you cannot tell me another way, do not brand me a tyrant."

The First Enchanter shook his head. "This is getting us nowhere. Grand Cleric Elthina will put a stop to this." He started to walk away but Meredith reached the elf and grabbed his elbow fiercely.

"You will not bring her Grace into this!" Meredith hissed.

Anders voice broke through the crowd as he walked up to the center of the confrontation. "The grand cleric cannot help you!"

Sebastian followed shortly and approached Marian's side. She spared him a glance and gave a slight shake of her head to the prince. He sighed and fell in behind Marian, watching events unfold.

"Explain yourself, mage!" Meredith's eyes narrowed at the newcomer.

Anders stood up to Meredith, anger spilling off him in waves. "I will not stand by and watch you treat all mages like criminals…while those who lead us bow to their templar jailors!" His gaze swept to Orsino.

"Anders, what have you done?" Marian whispered, frightened suddenly of what was going to happen.

Orsino fumed, "How dare you speak to me…"

"The Circle has failed us, Orsino! Even you should be able to see that!" Anders slammed his staff against the ground for emphasis, his voice taking on the deep timbre of Justice at the end, changing before everyone as the rebel Warden lost control. "The time has come to act! There can be no half-measures!" Anders regained control of Justice as he turned his back on Meredith and Orsino.

Cullen paled at the hidden secret of Anders and swung his gaze to Marian. She didn't flinch and kept her attention on Anders, dreading what was going to happen. Marian approached Anders, "Anders, what have you done?" Her voice cracked on the dread that filled her heart.

Anders hung his head and answered her. "There can be no turning back."

There was a sudden quietness in the air, like before a storm, which made Marian look up to the sky. A deep rumbling could be felt under their feet before the explosion of red light filled the sky. She watched, transfixed to the spot as the place where the chantry was lit up and exploded outwards, raining masonry and ashes down onto Kirkwall. Marian was dumbfounded by Anders act, feeling a sense of deep betrayal from a fellow mage and a man who she thought was a friend. After the noise died down, the first thing Marian heard behind her was Sebastian's cry to the Maker and the rattle of his armor as the archer dropped to his knees.

Meredith looked on with shock and fear, "Maker have mercy!"

Anders looked on at his handiwork, regret tinging his voice. "There can be no peace." He looked at Marian, a mix of emotions running rampant in his eyes.

One thing that it lacked Marian noted was any sort of apology. Anders wasn't sorry for what he had done and now, her hands were tied because of this act. Marian had to choose a side.

Orsino turned on Anders, shock, disbelief, and fury warring across his elven features. "Why? Why would you do such a thing?" His voice was quiet, and that made it all more terrible.

"I removed the chance of compromise because there is no compromise."

A feral gleam came to Meredith's eyes as she spoke. "The grand cleric has been slain by magic, the chantry destroyed!" She turned slowly onto the crowd, gathering them all with her gaze. "As knight-commander of Kirkwall, I hereby invoke the Right of Annulment. Every mage in the Circle is to be executed—immediately!"

"No…" Marian whispered, dread sinking to the pit of her stomach. She spared a look to the knight-captain, seeing shock on his face before he closed it down and steeled himself for whatever was coming next.

"The Circle didn't even do this! Champion…Hawke, you can't let her! Help us stop this madness!" Orsino pleaded to Marian.

Meredith whipped her head toward Marian, piercing her with her cold gaze, "And I call on you to keep order! After what just occurred, you cannot deny what must be done!"

Silence hung in the air, everyone's attention focused on Marian. Aveline, Varric, Fenris, even Merrill, kept quiet, waiting to see what their friend and leader would do. Sebastian stood up, his face hard and eyes blazing with murder toward Anders. Despite Cullen leaving to protect her from getting involved with the chaos between templar and mage, events out of their hands still dragged Marian into the middle of it all.

Her eyes stopped on Anders, hurt and betrayed, realizing now why Anders wanted her to distract the grand cleric and she had refused. He must have thought so little of their friendship to pursue this destructive path that was bringing Kirkwall to its knees. "Anders, this was your plan all along?" The contained fury and pain made itself known.

Anders looked at Marian, regret screaming from his body. "Marian, if you knew what I was doing, you would have felt honor-bound to stop me. I couldn't take that chance." He spoke softly, as if they were talking alone. "The Circle is an injustice, in many places beyond Kirkwall. You were never part of the Circle, so don't know. The world needs to see."

"You fool! You've doomed us all!" Orisino yelled at Anders.

Anders turned to Orsino and snapped. "We were already doomed! A quick death now or a slow one later—I'd rather die fighting."

Shaking her head, Marian spoke. "Anders, you may have turned everyone against the mages now."

"Was anyone ever with us?" Anders replied bitterly.

"Yes!" Marian cried. "But you were too blind to see it and too impatient to work anything long term!"

Meredith shook her head, stepping forward once again to take matters again in her hands. "It doesn't matter. Even if I wished to, I couldn't stay my hand. The people of Kirkwall will demand blood."

"I never wanted to get involved in this!" Marian choked out.

The knight-commander sneered at the woman, "You are already involved! You are the Champion of Kirkwall. Do your duty, or fall with these mages! It is your choice."

Marian hung her head and thought of her father and Bethany. All they ever wanted was freedom, as did she, but not at the price of blood, which Anders had done. The man really had tied her hands on this. In order to protect the citizens of Kirkwall, Marian had to side with the templars. It was with a heavy heart to do so, knowing so many of the Circle was going to perish at her hands. But this conflict between the two groups would destroy Kirkwall and Marian didn't hear any concrete reassurances from Orsino that his mages were not using blood magic.

"Knight-commander, if I may have a word with the Champion?" Cullen spoke for the first time since this started.

"Cullen, do not interfere…"

"Please," the simple word by the man shut Meredith up but she gave a slight nod. Cullen left her side and approached Marian. Anders glared at him but Cullen looked back coldly. "Marian," he said her name quietly. "Come with me over here for a moment."

The apostate nodded and followed Cullen to one of the shop doorways, away from prying ears. He looked her over, letting his mask slip and the concern shine through. "Here I thought to spare you from choosing sides and the decision had been taken from your hands."

"Ironic, isn't it?" Marian quipped. "And it wasn't by Meredith's hands that I am forced to this."

"If you love Kirkwall, please, do what is right." Cullen pleaded.

"Cullen, I already decided to help the templars." Marian said quietly. "The people must come first and this is the only way to minimalize casualties. Orsino has not convinced me that there are no blood mages or that they won't result to blood magic. Even if backed into a corner, a mage doesn't need to expose themselves to demons or forbidden magic!"

"Marian, you don't need to tell me. I know." His eyes conveyed what he really wanted to say, that he missed her, loved her still, and wished that none of this were happening. Nevertheless, he was duty bound, just as Meredith was calling on Marian to do her duty to protect Kirkwall.

"I'm not doing this for Meredith." Marian said.

"I know." The knight-captain nodded. "I know he was a friend." Cullen referred to Anders betrayal.

"What to do with Anders…" Marian shook her head.

"Do what you must but you know he cannot live."

"He'll become a martyr."

"Martyr's need followers that believe in their cause, Marian. Even mages of the Circle loved Elthina and this will not go kindly throughout the Free Marches." Cullen risked grabbing Marian's shoulders and tilting her chin up to meet his eyes. "Elthina was not unsympathetic, you know that. If it wasn't for her, we all would have been here much sooner."

"I don't want to do this but it I have to." Marian whined a little.

"We all do things we don't want to do, Marian." His eyes related to her that he regretted leaving her. "Remain strong, Hawke. Show other mages what true power is and shame them for falling into empty promises by demons."

His words did much to soothe the ache in her and bolster Marian's flagging will. Cullen gave a small caress with his thumb at her chin, reassuring her that he still cared. "They're waiting for my decision."

"Let's get this over with." Cullen told her quietly.

As they joined the waiting knight-commander and first enchanter, Cullen retook his place at Meredith's side, along with a newcomer that surprised Marian. Carver gave a quick nod of his head, telling her he was there for her. Feeling a little better but still dreading the outcome of the night, Marian squared her shoulders and turned to Meredith.

"I guess you have your Champion."

Orsino's eyes bugged at Marian's decision. "Think carefully, Champion! This is not justice! Meredith will turn on you too!"

"I'm sorry, Orsino, I've made my choice." Marian shook her head regretfully. She liked the man but the safety of the people of Kirkwall was paramount.

"Very wise." Meredith approved smugly.

Merrill spoke up, "Are you sure about this? You know she's going to murder people whose only crime was being born a mage!"

"Anders tied our hands, Merrill. The mages are trying to defend themselves but the templars are protecting the people of Kirkwall. All we can do is try to keep casualties to a minimum." Marian answered the elf mage.

"I suppose…your're right. This decision was taken out of our hands." Merrill nodded slowly.

Orsino gave a desperate sound and yelled out. "Stop them! I will warn the others!" And he ran off into the crowd, back toward the docks.

"Gather our forces!" Meredith called to the templars and looked at Marian, Cullen and Carver joining her. "We will deal with this."

Marian swung her staff around, as the others arrayed themselves around her to take care of the new enemy. She wanted to end this quickly, so Marian pulled within herself, raising her hand and prayed to the Maker to lend her strength. The gathering of heavy force flowed through the air to the clustered group of mages and picked them up, leaving them hovering for a brief second before the force hurtled them to the ground, stunning them.

Cullen and Carver were at her side, placing silence spells on the group before allowing the rest of the templars to dispatch the mages quickly. The fight was over before it ever begun. Anders took a seat on a crate, looking dejected and morose at what was happening. Marian didn't spare him a glance right now as she walked up to Meredith, her body still crackling with magical energy.

"So, it begins." Meredith seemed anxious for the ensuing conflict, Marian noted.

"I must gather my forces at the Gallows—meet me there as soon as you can, Champion. I will leave your brother here with you. Cullen…with me. I will leave this…murderer for you to deal with. He's your companion. Do as you see fit." Meredith sneered in disgust at Anders.

Cullen looked at Marian for an intense moment. Marian gave a nod telling him she will be fine. He spared a quick glance at Anders and shook his head. He didn't envy Marian the task laid before her. The knight-captain turned to follow Meredith back to the Gallows.

"What a fine mess he made." Carver jerked his head toward the brooding mage.

"Indeed." Marian said and walked over to Anders, circling him and contemplating in what to do. She knew what must be done. Sebastian was starting to voice his opinions but Marian held a hand up to him to quiet the archer prince.

"There's nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself. I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited." Anders tried to sound convincing but it disgusted Marian as the man tried to rationalize murdering innocents for a just cause.

"Did that spirit tell you to do this?" Marian's voice came out harder than she intended. Anders flinched at her tone.

"No." Anders replied simply. "When we merged, he ceased to be. We are one now. I can no more ignore the injustice of the Circle than he could. You don't k now what it was like, Marian!" Anders pleaded, hanging his head to his chest.

"And this is justification for murdering hundreds of innocent people? Just to prove a point?"

"No!" Anders stood up abruptly, causing Carver to take a step forward but Marian staid her brother from reaching out and throttling Anders. "It is unfortunate that so many had to be sacrificed but don't you see? The chantry is the cause!"

"No, it isn't, Anders. It is men and women like you, who think they can handle the power given to them but instead of doing something good and useful, everyone wants to rule the world!" Marian sniped at Anders, her sarcasm showing through her words. "Did they never teach morality in the Circle?"

Anders flinched.

"You were my friend!" Marian cried softly. "Have I ever steered you wrong?"

"No." Anders said sullenly.

"You may not have agreed with everything I have done but I hold everyone's interests to heart, so ALL can live peaceably and not in fear!"

"You should listen to her, maleficar." Carver spat at Anders. "Marian was the best ally you could have had because our father taught us to respect magic for the use it had but that it could be used for destruction. You fucking listened to his shade at that prison saying the exact same thing Marian is now!"

"How can you change a world view regarding fear of what we mages are capable of?" Anders exclaimed.

"It won't happen overnight!" Marian yelled. "Anders, your cause may be just but now, you have added to the fear of what mages are capable of. You were a healer! Why didn't you just use that instead of using destruction to further divide the people of the Free Marches!"

Anders had never seen his friend so angry and it put another knife in his heart to add to his betrayal of her trust and friendship. "If I have to pay with my life, then so be it. Maybe at last, Justice will be free." He spoke quietly.

"I can take care of him." Sebastian vehemently said.

"No, I will handle it. Let his blood be on my hands." Marian looked at the prince seriously.

Carver handed a knife to her, and looking down at it, noticed it was their father's. Marian had the twin of the blade but left it in Varric's suite at the Hanged Man. Her brother clasped his hand over hers as she took the knife, looking intently into her eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"No, but I have to." She said for Carver's ears alone. "He was my friend, he betrayed my trust. It is best done by my hand."

The templar apprentice shook his head, not quite understanding why Marian would give Anders that much of an honor. "Why do him the honor of killing him by your hand, sister?"

"Because I was the one wronged, Carver. I'm the Champion of Kirkwall, the people would expect it." With a sad look to her brother, Marian turned away from him when he let her go. Her friends and companions of many years stepped back, giving her space to be alone with the rebel mage.

Anders watched as Marian approached, her face grim and somber. What was left of Justice inside him, quaked at the deathly calm of the woman approaching to them. Anders was resigned to his fate and was glad to have Marian be the one to put the blade to him.

Marian wrapped her arm around Anders, embracing him, her fingers grasping behind his neck. Her mouth was at his ear as she whispered. "I'm so very sorry, Anders."

The Warden felt her tears on his cheek and then a blossom of searing pain in his ribs as the knife pierced clothing and into the lungs. Anders jerked but Marian held him to her. "For what it is worth, I'm glad it was you." He rasped out with his dying breath.

Marian closed her eyes as she felt Anders lifeblood seep out over her hand. She threw the knife away and eased the dying man to the ground. Images of his laughter, the bawdy jokes and outrageous flirting filling her head. She swallowed hard when she felt his light touch on her cheek, before falling away. Daring to open her eyes, Marian looked at Anders face, the light in his eyes gone, no longer aware of the chaos he caused. His face was at peace, though, as the man must have gotten his old self back after the spirit of Justice faded away.

"Maker forgive your sins and pride, my friend." Marian choked out, closing Anders eyes for the final time.

Carver reached down to pick up the Hawke knife, wiping the blood off and laid a hand on his sister's shoulder. "Marian…we need to go."

Giving a slow nod, Marian inhaled deeply and slowly let her breath out. Standing up, the Champion of Kirkwall turned to look at her companions, those that stayed with her through thick and thin. These men and women were friends of hers. They were family. "We have a city to save, people. Let's not tarry anymore."


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Abandon  
>Chapter Nine<br>Author: CelticWolfwalker  
>Game: Dragon Age II<br>Pairing: F!Hawke/Cullen

They made it to the Gallows finally, only to walk into absolute chaos. Mages killing templars, throwing their armored bodies around like rag dolls, and templars running through mages as they silence their spell casting. Meredith was yelling at Orsino as the First Enchanter directed his mages to fight their jailors. He slowly retreated up the Gallows steps as a couple of templars went after him reluctantly.

When Orsino reached the top of the steps, the templars rushed him and met their quick demise. Orsino blasted one with a cone of cold, freezing them and used his staff to shatter the templars body. Swinging around, he blasted the second templar, making the armored knight launch into the air and go crunching to a dead halt in front of Marian.

"Orsino!" Marian yelled, lowering her own staff to protect herself.

"Stay back, Hawke! I don't want to fight you!"

Meredith walked up behind Marian and her friends, calling out angrily to the First Enchanter. "And here you are!"

"Let us speak, Meredith! Before this battle destroys the city you claim to protect!" Orsino raised his staff in a non-threatening manner. He walked back down the stairs towards Meredith and Marian.

"I will entertain surrender, nothing more." Meredith scoffed at Orsino's last attempt to be civil, walking with a cocky stride toward the First Enchanter.

Marian tried not to flinch as Orsino stopped at her right side, with mages lining behind him, and Meredith at her left. It left her in the middle, exactly where she didn't want to be. Cullen had his templars lined up behind Meredith, standing at the ready should all hell break loose. Carver took a step closer to his sister, offering his meager protection between two powerful forces.

"Speak if you have something to say." Meredith crossed her arms, barely keeping the sneer of disdain from her face.

Orsino calmed down and spoke civilly. "Revoke the Right of Annulment, Meredith, before this goes to far. Imprison us if you must. Search the tower. I will even help you. But do not kill us all for an act we did not commit!"

Meredith sniffed, "The grand cleric is dead, killed by a mage. The people will demand retribution and I will give it to them. Your offer is commendable, Orsino, but it comes too late."

Marian rolled her eyes and sighed at the two obstinate leaders. "And here I was kind of hoping for a happy ending." She heard Cullen groan, matched in sentiment by her brother.

"It seems unlikely." Meredith said.

"So," Orsino looked at the knight-commander, widening his stance in preparation for confrontation. "what is it to be, Meredith? Do we fight here?"

Meredith dipped her head and looked back at Orsino. "Go, prepare your people. The rest of the Order is already crossing the harbor."

"This isn't over!" Orsino growled menacingly. He turned away and headed into the Gallows, his mages following behind him with nervous and wary looks.

"Champion, if you need time to talk to your companions, do so. We end this soon."

Marian looked to Cullen longingly, knowing that she wouldn't be able to talk with him as he had to prepare the men and women under his command. He gave a nod in reassurance before turning away. She turned to the rag tag group of friends and sighed. "Well, here we are."

"Did you really have to go antagonize Meredith and Orsino by that comment?" Carver complained.

"A little levity can help in this dreadful time." Marian shrugged. "It was either that, or really scold them like mother used to do to us."

"Oh, Maker forbid, not that!" Carver rolled his eyes and surprised everyone by laughing. They never heard Carver freely laugh with his sister.

"You are getting mellow with your age, Junior." Varric commented.

"Hey, can I not fight with Marian once in a while?" Carver smiled warmly at his sister. "She's not so bad. Maybe when this is all done, she can convince the knight-captain to give me a promotion."

Marian's smile was fragile when Carver quipped about her relationship with Cullen. He didn't know and now wasn't the time to tell her brother that Cullen chose duty over her. "Sure, I will use all my phenomenal powers of persuasion to get you promoted to knight-commander!"

"Oh, no, I don't want that job!" Carver waved his hands in front of him, a little bit of panic in his face. The rest of the group laughed, easing the tension of the upcoming fight. A throat clearing brought their attention to a new arrival. Carver's face registered surprise and he immediately saluted the person standing behind Marian. "Knight-captain!"

She turned around and nearly bumped into Cullen. "What are you doing here?" Marian's voice squeaked.

"I came here for a couple of reasons. To speak with you and to talk to Carver about leading a small contingent of templars with your group."

"Me? Lead a contingent of templars?" Carver was shocked.

"Yes, you have proven yourself in the drills and have a good command sense. It is time to put you in a role of leadership. However, you still need to stick with Marian and her friends as they will head into the Gallows first."

"What?" Marian said in surprise. "When was I going to know this?"

"Um, just now?" Cullen's mouth quirked up at the corners in a half-smile. "These are my orders, Marian. You need to minimize damage in the Circle, if possible. The templars I'm sending with Carver are my most trusted knights."

"What is going on, Cullen?" Marian asked gently.

He shook his head, requesting that Marian not ask any more questions. He looked around the courtyard to see if Meredith was paying attention to him or Marian. When he spotted that the knight-commander was deep in conversation with Ser Kerras, Cullen grabbed Marian's arm and gently pulled her away from the group and to one end of the side passages that house merchant stalls. When out of sight of the others, Cullen pressed Marian against one of the wide pillars and took her mouth with his, kissing deeply and hard. Marian's heart thumped hard against her chest at the unexpected kiss and answered the man's need with her own. After a minute, they softened and dragged out the kiss before separating.

"I had to…" Cullen said hoarsely.

Marian put her fingers to his lips to stop him from saying anything else. "We will get through this." She told him adamantly. "You are taking a risk here, Cullen, just to…" Marian was quieted as Cullen's mouth once again sought hers.

When he pulled back, his fingers brushed Marian's hair from her eyes and caressed across her cheek. "I know I am taking a risk. You can't be sure that we will make it through this night alive. I would rather kiss you, smell you, drink you in now than not at all. Maker's Breath, Marian, I've missed you. I've been a fool!"

"Now is not the time for recriminations, knight-captain." Marian ran her fingers over Cullen's rugged features, enjoying the small stolen pleasure of having him close.

"Hey, lovebirds," Varric's voice called out softly, "time to get the show on the road. Carver's men have arrived."

"Give us a minute, Varric." Marian called back, never taking her eyes off her knight.

"Marian, listen quickly. Meredith…something is wrong with her. Her reasoning has become erratic and while you may be helping her, do not doubt for one second that she will not order your execution! You may not be of the Circle but you are a mage and that is all the reason she needs! The men I am sending with Carver are Thrask's converts. They answer to me, not Meredith. I can't go with you, or I would sure as the Void, be at your side protecting you." Cullen told Marian vehemently.

"Come on, you two!" Varric said with urgency.

Without another word, Cullen brushed his fingertips across Marian's lips, leaving before her and back to the main group of templars. She stood by and watched the man she gave her heart to, prepare for the annihilation of Kirkwall's Circle. Varric looked up at her with concern and patted her hand.

"Are you ready?" Varric asked his friend.

"As ready as I ever will be." Marian replied, squaring her shoulders back. Cullen's warning about Meredith's eventual duplicity sank into her. In a way, she was expecting it and already was preparing mentally for the eventual showdown with the knight-commander.

Carver sidled up to his sister, the mantle of leadership settling on his shoulders. "We are here for you, Champion."

Marian snorted at the formality coming from her sibling. "I'm still your sister, brat."

He smiled sheepishly at her. "Mother would be glad to see us like this again. It has been too long."

"That it has." Marian took Carver's hand in hers and squeezed it like she used to when they were younger. He returned with his customary double squeeze. "Gather your men, Carver. It's time to meet destiny."

-}[]{-

The shock of the news about Quentin sent a shard of ice through Marian. "You knew about Quentin?" Her voice was as cold as the core in her. "You knew and let that bastard kill my mother?"

"I didn't expect Quentin to go that far. It was unfortunate about your mother." Orsino tried to explain.

"You are as bad as the rest of them!" Marian raised her voice. "Get backed into a corner and you resort to desperate magic! But before all this, you approved of forbidden magic that has been banned through ALL of Thedas!"

"It had its purpose!" Orsino's voice hardened.

"That magic doesn't have a purpose but to hurt people!" Carver ground out between his teeth. "Enough of this, sister, he pays for what he has allowed to happen! Because of him, our mother is dead!"

"For once, brother, I am in agreement with you." Marian's voice hardened.

"It is good that you see the truth of it, Champion." Meredith all but crowed with glee.

"I will not go quietly!" Orsino roared and called upon the blood of the fallen mages that he had killed. The First Enchanter changed before their eyes as he grew larger and misshapen, taking in the bodies into his own abomination. The dead now served the mage and all of it sickened Marian. Swallowing the bile that rose in her throat, Marian planted her staff in the ground and called on her force magic.

Father had told her at one time that she was destined for greatness and her magic was fast outstripping his. With her affinity for pulling the natural kinetic energy around her, Marian learned to harness the difficult magic. With greater control, came greater power. What added to it was her belief in justice and doing right. Tonight, her own beliefs and faith was tested but as Marian opened herself to draw more energy, she felt her body sing in connection to the Fade. A spirit watched her; she felt it give her a gentle push. Love for her friends and family, Kirkwall, the templar that captured her heart, gave Marian strength to fight the abomination that used to be Orsino.

_That's it, dearie. Love is strength. _The Fade spirit whispered to Marian and faded beyond her reach. It wasn't a demon, Marian could tell. The spirit shone with warmth and demanded nothing. It gave Marian a nudge to use her full potential. With a yell, Marian released a shockwave toward Orsino, sending the monstrous thing staggering back and dazed. Not letting up, Marian called upon cold air, having it swirl around her in a maelstrom before releasing the ball of cold energy. With Orsino frozen and dazed, Marian ran toward him, the bladed end of her staff at the ready. She ran up his body and with all her strength and magical force, slammed the bladed end of the staff into Orsino.

The monstrosity shook and roared, refusing to believe it was dying. Marian pushed her staff further in and twisted, feeling the crunching of bones tremble up her arms. _Don't get sick now, Hawke! Don't you dare! _Marian gritted her teeth and swallowed hard.

With a final shudder, Orsino collapsed to the ground, throwing Marian off to land hard on her back. The wind got knocked out of her as she lay there gasping for air. Carver kneeled next to her, easing his sister into an upright position. Inhaling sharply, Marian caught her breath.

"You didn't have to skewer him, sister." Carver jibed at her.

"Oh, add a little fire and we could have had roast elf….err, whatever, on the menu." Marian didn't miss a step.

"You are an odd pair." Meredith walked up to Marian, looking at her and Carver in puzzlement. "It is over. I will go and make sure the rest of the keep is secure. Gather yourself, Champion and meet me in the courtyard."

The knight-commander strode out of the hall, leaving the siblings, their friends and the surviving templars. Overall, the templars only lost one of their number. One of them took his helm off to reveal the young man, Keran. Marian smiled at the familiar face. "Keran!"

"Hello, Hawke." He smiled shyly. "Meredith didn't need to know I was with Carver's group, lest she suspect something. We don't have much time but Cullen told you to expect betrayal?"

"He did." Marian nodded.

"Good. I better get this back on and follow you out. You have friends, Champion. It doesn't matter that you are a mage. You are the Champion, which is all that is needed to be said."

Marian stood up and dusted herself off and walked over to the gross form of the former first enchanter. Grabbing her staff, Marian pulled, scrunching her face at the squelching and sucking sound as the weapon left the body. "Ugh!"

"How can you still be squeamish what with all the monster slaying and killing you do?" Carver snorted.

"Because I can." Marian gave as the only explanation.

-}[]{-

Cullen walked around the devastation of the Gallows courtyard, assessing the damage and losses that happened tonight. He tried not to focus on his worry for Marian while with Meredith in the tower. With the recognition of both knight and mage lying dead at his feet, his heart grew heavy. Cullen raised his head as he heard the bold footsteps of the knight-commander. Meredith arrived ahead of the others, and this sent a shiver of fear through his body as Marian wasn't with her.

"Cullen!" Meredith snapped to her second-in-command. "The Champion will be arriving shortly. I want her arrested."

"Why?" Cullen was shocked, even if he expected Meredith to turn her back on the woman who helped her take care of a threat, the suddenness of Meredith's command threw him.

"Don't question me, serrah!" Meredith hissed. "You will do as you are commanded."

Then her demeanor abruptly changed as she took in the bodies of mage and templar being cleared from the courtyard. "Look at all this."

Cullen spotted Marian as she arrived with Carver, Aveline, and Varric, along with the templars he sent with Carver. He began to breathe a little easier but was still vigilant against Meredith. Meredith didn't pay any mind to their arrival until she had said her peace.

"Magic is a cancer in the heart of our land, just as it was in the time of Andraste. And like her," Meredith finally turned toward Marian. "we are left with no choice but to purify it with fire and blood." Cullen moved to stand a little closer to Marian, as Meredith turned back onto the carnage.

"Strange way to treat a sick patient." Marian responded but her eyes were flat, showing no mirth in them despite her sarcastic comment.

"Sometimes a limb must be amputated to save a life. Unpleasant but necessary. My surgery here is not yet done." Meredith's eyes took on a fanatical gleam, which Cullen didn't like. "I'm beginning to wonder just how large your part in all this actually was."

"Meredith…" Cullen softly warned the knight-commander to cease her line of supposition.

The knight-commander ignored him and continued. "A refugee to our city and an apostate, gathering power and influence without any accounting? How can I trust that the mighty Champion of Kirkwall is not a worse threat to this city than the Circle?" Her voice rose at the end, eyes blazing with a fevered paranoia and distrust.

"And you have done nothing but grasped at power, finding excuses to jump at shadows in order to help Kirkwall?" Marian fired back.

Cullen groaned at the snide accusatory tone in Marian's voice. Either way, this wasn't going to end without one or the other dead. He made sure to position himself between the two women as they traded thinly veiled threats.

Meredith put on a face of mock sympathy. "The people of Kirkwall will mourn your loss, but I will tell them you died battling the mages. A righteous cause, don't you think?"

Cullen stepped forward at that point, the truth of Meredith's madness now fully known. He steeled himself as he faced the intimidating commander. "Knight-Commander, I thought we intended to arrest the Champion?"

She turned to Cullen, her eyes narrowing at him. "You will do as I command, Cullen." Meredith stated flatly.

"No!" He shook his head in refusal. Anger flared in him, lending harshness to his voice. "I defended you when Thrask started whispering you were mad. But this…this is going too far!"

"I will not allow insubordination! We must stay true to our path!" Meredith's voice rose as she reached behind her and pulled out her blade. The blade started to glow an evil red and give a deep thrumming noise, reacting to Meredith's anger.

Marian gasped and Varric shook his head in disbelief. The mage was about to step forward but Cullen gave a look to her to stay back. He had heard Marian's story about Varric's brother finding a pure lyrium idol in the Deep Roads. It had eventually led to Bartrand's demise. And now, Cullen connected Meredith's madness to the lyrium forged blade she had purchased a short three years prior.

"You recognize it, do you not? Pure lyrium, taken from the Deep Roads. The dwarf charged a great deal for this prize."

"It wound up poisoning his mind in the end." Marian said.

"He was weak, whereas I am not!" Meredith swung the glowing blade around and pointed it at Marian. "All of you, I want her dead!"

Cullen stepped in front of Marian, the point of the blade coming dangerously close to his breast. "Enough, Meredith! This is not what the Order stands for! Knight-Commander, step down! I hereby relieve you of your command!" His voice took on authority as Cullen faced down the mad knight-commander.

"I will not partake in the killing of my own sister, templar vows or no!" Carver cried out, as he stepped forward to stand next to Cullen.

Meredith blinked and then narrowed her eyes at the templars in front of her, guarding Marian from her own blade. "My own knight-captain falls prey to the influence of blood magic." She said quietly, madness making Meredith's eyes bright. "You all have! You're all weak, allowing mages to control your minds and turn you against me!"

"Stand down!" Cullen roared at the knight-commander.

Meredith swung around in a circle, eyeing all the templars that stood there, refusing her orders. The low hum and glow from the blade throwing them off. Marian pushed through the two templars, her face hard set as she stood there, waiting for Meredith to confront her.

"I don't need any of you! I will protect the city myself!" Meredith all but yelled.

Before Marian could intercede, Meredith started praying fervently to the Maker, the sword blazing brightly from the raw lyrium folded into it, and slammed the sword into the ground, sending a shockwave outwards. Marian stumbled back into Cullen, his hands coming up to steady her.

Shaking her head, Marian straightened and swung her staff around. "All right, no more nice Champion." She growled and started gathering magical energy to her. Cullen released his sword from its sheath and brought his shield around, standing beside Marian. He spared a quick glance and gave a nod to Marian. Cullen hunkered behind his shield and moved to cover Marian while she released her force magic.

Carver yelled and charged in with a sweeping blow to the Knight-Commander. Meredith blocked the young man's charge easily, sending him stumbling back. Her focus was on the Champion and Cullen.

Meredith charged the couple, but Marian released a spell to slow the other woman down before the full force of the charge struck Cullen. Other templars surrounded their former commander, closing ranks and hoping to trap the woman. Meredith's however, set her eyes solely on Cullen and Marian, pressing them back with her advances. Cullen met each swing of the knight-commander's blade, gritting his teeth against the force of the blows. His only concern was to protect Marian, at all cost.

Then Meredith moved so fast that Cullen lost sight of her and then he heard her voice boom throughout the courtyard. An explosion of light from the sword flashed around the courtyard and struck the bronze statues lining the walls.

"She's bringing the statues to life!" Marian panted.

"Let the other's handle that. We have to take out Meredith." Cullen growled out to Marian. "How are you faring?"

"I'm holding on, knight-captain." She grinned at him.

Her smile was all the encouragement Cullen needed to press forward and end this conflict.

-}[]{-

Marian covered her eyes as the power of the dark lyrium flooded the courtyard, mixed with Meredith's scream as it overtook the knight-commander. When her sight came back, Marian looked over to the smoking form that was once the commander of the templars in Kirkwall. Wisps of lyrium licked around the desiccated figure. One of the templars rushed forward to kneel before the remains, reaching out but snatching their hand back in fear. The templar took its helm and revealed a young woman. Her eyes were full of fear as she looked at Meredith.

The mage turned to look at Cullen, who had an indescribable look in his eyes. His mouth opened as if to say something but snapped shut. He dropped to his knee and raised his sword up in front of him, the blade touching his head in homage and respect to her. Carver followed suit, along with Keran and the rest of the remaining templars in the courtyard. The cacophony of noise as a hundred armored men and women went to their knee struck Marian speechless.

"Well, you don't see this every day." Varric commented.

Shaking her head, Marian turned around at the sea of kneeling templars and then gasped as Aveline and her guard had done the same thing. "Aveline!" Marian cried.

Her friend looked up at Marian, awe and pride shining in her face. "You deserve our respect, Champion. I would even go far as to say, Viscountess of Kirkwall."

"What?"

Cullen stood up and came to Marian, pulling her towards him. "You have saved Kirkwall yet again, Marian. You have the respect of the templars, the respect of the guard, and even the people. The people of Kirkwall have wished you as viscountess for a long time but Meredith ignored them."

"But Cullen…what do I know about running a city?" Marian panicked.

His smile softened and he tore off his gauntlets in order to touch her face. "Do what you always do, my love. Rule with your heart and your sense of justice, as I have done."

Cullen brought her face to his and kissed her in front of all the templars and guard. Marian could hear her brother groan and mutter, embarrassed by the open display of affection between his commanding officer and sister. Isabella and Merrill giggled, while Varric and Fenris sighed.

Dropping her staff, Marian threw her arms around the templars neck and kissed him back, deepening the kiss until it left her dizzy with joy. She didn't care that they had an audience and they all knew about her love for Cullen. Kirkwall was safe once again and Marian was once again in her templar's arms.


	10. Epilogue

Title: Abandon  
>Epilogue<br>Author: CelticWolfwalker  
>Game: Dragon Age II<br>Pairing: F!Hawke/Cullen

_One year later…_

The guard-captain sighed heavily and muttered grumpily under her breath. "Why must I take leave? I'm not due for another month! Let me sit at the desk and issue orders from there!"

"No, Aveline, you need rest!" Marian grinned at her heavily pregnant friend.

"Make you viscount and it gives you rights to order ME around." Aveline grouched.

"Turnabout is fair play, my dear Aveline." Marian chuckled. "You already trained Donnic to handle the job. He'll do fine! So, just rest! I have to go now. Oriana will see to your needs."

"Why ever did you give her to me? She fusses too much."

"That is why, because she fusses too much and the woman needs something to keep her from incessantly asking when I will have a child, or when will I marry the Knight-Commander."

"And talking of the Knight-Commander, when are you two going to marry?"

"Oh, Aveline, not you too!" Marian smoothed her long black hair behind her ear.

"You have been with the man for what? Six years now? People are talking about when you two will finally commit to each other. They don't care about the whole mage-templar issue. They are blind to that. Even Sebastian is asking as he is restoring Starkhaven's chantry and hoping you might want to use it."

"If it happens, it happens, Aveline." Marian chuckled. She leaned over to give her friend a peck on the freckled cheek. "Now, I must go or I will be late."

Marian swirled away from Aveline, telling Oriana while she headed out that the grumpy mother-to-be was in her care now. She blinked as the setting sun hit her in the eyes as she left the estate. Even after a year, the scars from the destruction of the chantry remained in Hightown. Scaffolding and repair crews lined the keep and her estate had a fresh coating of plaster. Picking up the skirt of her deep red gown, Marian jogged away from the estate and toward the stairs leading down into Kirkwall's Lowtown and the docks.

People greeted her as she passed. Marian smiled and gave greetings back, even accepting from a merchant, a ripe apple. She had to admit, it wasn't that bad being viscount. The stress was high and Marian did have to listen to many idiotic complaints. Nevertheless, while the situation with Kirkwall's templars and mages was stable, news of other Circles filtered through and wasn't good. Marian ruled with a just and even hand, for which the people loved. Kirkwall started to heal. Marian started to work with the few mages that was spared the Rite of Annulment and taught them as her father taught her about magic. Gradually, Cullen had her implement the teachings of an unbiased and purer form of the Chant of Light, and side-by-side training with the templars. It wasn't an easy task at first, as suspicions were still there but over time, those that Thrask had trained, took up the mantle of reaching to the other templars and mages.

Marian was still awaiting word from the Divine, as was expected, after Meredith's tyranny and demise in Kirkwall. In addition, with Elthina's murder, answers were going to be demanded. However, those worries were for another day. She had been summoned to the Knight-Commander's office on a matter of urgency. A smile played at her lips as she thought about Cullen. He thrived on leading Kirkwall's templars. Carver rose quickly in the ranks and was one of his top lieutenants. However, Cullen broke many of the old regulations that was imposed on the templars and went back to Andraste's word regarding the templars duty.

When it came to them, Cullen was ever attentive to Marian's needs. They had their occasional fighting but it was made better afterwards. The only thing that he had insisted was that whenever Marian needed templar protection, it was going to be him providing it. He didn't trust anyone else to stand at her side that wasn't her brother, Varric, Aveline, or the rest of her misfit band of friends and companions.

"Off to the Gallows, Viscount Hawke?" the ferryman asked of Marian as she finally made it to the dock.

"Yes, Niell." Marian greeted the familiar boatman. She took his hand as he helped her aboard.

Shortly, the ferry cast off from the dock and entered the open water of the harbor. Marian stood at the prow and looked out toward the Gallows. Her mind travelled back to a year ago, when she crossed this harbor with her friends, heading into chaos. Marian was thankful that Bethany had not lived to see what had become of the Circles throughout Thedas. She had prayed that with her and Cullen working together, that they could start changing the way things was done with the templars and mages. Then she thought to the gentle touch of a Fade spirit that encouraged her. Marian had almost believed that the words in her head had come from Leandra, her mother.

The ferry bumped into the dock pilings as it arrived at the Gallows docks. Marian thanked Neill and climbed out of the boat. The Gallows still looked oppressive but gone were the suffering bronze statues from the courtyard. Instead, bright pennants hung and there were a few more merchant stalls in the courtyard. Laughter rang through the courtyard now, along with children screaming as they chased each other. The gates that had closed off the Circle stood open and welcoming. Marian watched as a father embraced his mage daughter. This brought a bittersweet smile to Marian, for she still missed her father and mother.

"Don't you have an appointment?" A warm rumble spoke in her ear as an arm slid around her waist.

"I do and I'm afraid I am running late." Marian smiled up at Cullen. "Aveline is one stubborn lady."

He chuckled and brought Marian closer to his side. "How is she faring?"

"Irritable, restless, and certainly can't understand the meaning of taking leave from the guard!"

"That will change once the baby is born." He watched Marian as she took in the change of the Gallows. "Quite the change from a year ago, isn't it?"

"It is. You have done good work, Knight-Commander. Thank you for allowing family to visit both the mages and templars."

"You're welcome. I couldn't have done this alone. I realize now how much family is needed in one's life. We have not had one instance of possession in months."

"And the lyrium situation?" Marian asked in concern.

"The older templars do not need it as much. They only take it when they are going out on patrol. Bodahn has set up quite the network for us in getting pure lyrium. King Alistair has even helped with the shipments." Cullen chuckled. "It is ironic that we seem to have two of Thedas' most stable Circles right now."

"It is amazing that given a little autonomy and willing cooperation will do, over the heavy hand of fear." Marian grinned.

"Indeed." Cullen agreed. He turned to Marian and looked down into her face.

She noticed that he was dressed informally, wearing the long surcoat of his position over a tunic and breeches. Cullen carried neither sword nor shield with him. They made a fetching couple, both resplendent in regal red. He wore a thick band of beaten gold, indicating his status as Marian held the thin Viscount circlet on her brow. Marian placed a hand to his cheek, her thumb caressing softly across the clean-shaven skin. He laid a hand on hers, leaning into the hand.

"Come, I have something for you." Cullen spoke softly, his voice thick with emotion. Taking her hand in his, Cullen led Marian over to Solivitus' stall. Marian looked at the Knight-Commander curiously.

"Champion, or should I say Viscount Hawke now?" Solivitus greeted Marian. "It is always good to see you, my friend."

"And you, Solivitus."

"You have the item?" Cullen asked the healer.

The mage's eyes glittered merrily and produced a small, deep red velvet bag, handing it to Cullen with a bow of his head. Cullen thanked the man and tugged Marian again to follow him. She was about to say something but the templar placed a finger to her lips, quieting her. She had no other recourse but be led by Cullen as he mysteriously took her into the Circle and stopped right at the open gate. Carver called out an order to the gathered group of templars and mages, the simultaneous straightening of the men and women bringing a gasp of surprise from Marian.

Cullen's eyes danced in his face as he took in Marian's expression. He started to walk again, slowly, pulling Marian along as he wrapped her arm in his. The first pair of templars snapped out their swords, offering a salute and then raising them over the couple heads. Each pair that Cullen and Marian passed did the same salute and formed an arch of swords. Carver waited for them at the end, with the rest of the templars arrayed behind him, interspersed with the few mages that remained.

The Knight-Commander finally stopped and turned to Marian. Still holding her left hand, Cullen dropped to one knee in front of her. With his free hand, he handed the bag to Carver. Her brother took it and opened it, turning the bag over to release the contents. His eyes widened as something gleamed into his palm. With a shaking hand, Carver handed the ring to Cullen, a goofy grin spreading across his face.

"Champion of Kirkwall, Viscountess, Lady Mage, sister, friend, and beloved, all these titles you hold but I would ask you to add another to that list." Cullen started. "Marian Hawke, would you do the honor of humbling this man and become his wife?"

Marian's chest fluttered hard and she found it hard to breathe for a moment. Tears fell down her cheeks as the whole proposal sank in. Here before templars and mages, Cullen wasn't hiding his dedication to her, as friend and lover. They had proven that it was possible to love a mage or templar and live in harmony. Moreover, Cullen's proposal was asking to solidify their joining.

"Breathe, sister, before you pass out!" Carver nudged his sister.

"Yes," Marian whispered.

Cullen beamed as he heard Marian's reply and slowly placed the ring on her hand, laying his lips over the ring on her hand. On impulse, Cullen pulled Marian down to her knees and kissed her deeply.

The mages and templars cheered, letting off trills and flashes of magical fireworks in the Circle's courtyard.

"Thank the Maker!" Carver breathed as he rolled his eyes upwards.

-}[]{-

_One Month Later…_

The last of the guests was finally shooed out the door of the estate. Marian chuckled as Cullen rested against the front door and sighed heavily. "Make sure to lock the door or else Isabella will try to sneak back in and try to peek in on us."

Cullen turned the key and for extra measure, slammed the bolt into its home. He turned to his wife, grinning widely as that settled into his mind. Marian was radiant, her dark hair was flowing free over her shoulders in soft waves. He liked this better than the short cut she had worn for years. "My wife." Cullen tested the sound of it on his lips.

Marian walked up to him and slid her hands over his chest. "My husband." She answered sultrily. "This night is not over yet."

"Oh, really?" Cullen raised an eyebrow as he wrapped his arms around Marian's waist. "And what is on your mind, my dear?" He couldn't help but grin down at her.

"Something that involves quality time for two newlyweds, with far less clothing and a bit of bedroom antics." Marian giggled.

Cullen grinned wider as he swept Marian up into his arms, chuckling at the little squeal she gave him. He carried her from the foyer and toward 'their' bedroom. Marian leaned up and teased at his jaw and neck with her lips and teeth, making the man pause more than once as he shuddered at the flare of pleasure she brought out. With one such nibble, Marian sealed her lips on Cullen's neck, right under the ear, a spot that drove the man wild. Cullen stumbled at the first step and leaned against the balustrade.

"Woman, keep that up and we won't make the bedroom." He growled low.

"Mmm?" Marian leaned her head back to see the fire within Cullen's eyes. He captured her mouth with a ferocity that left the mage breathless. Not to be outdone by the man, Marian sucked in his lower lip between her teeth and teased at the laces of Cullen's shirt. She soon found herself on her feet Cullen crushing her body to his and easing them down on the stairs. As he kissed and nipped at her lips and chin, Cullen's hands ran down Marian's leg, fingers grasping at the silken material of the skirt of the dress. He crushed the material in his hand as he slid it up Marian's thigh.

Marian squirmed, her hands pulling on Cullen's shirt. The templar let up enough so that she could slide the shirt off him. Thank the Maker the stairs were deep and they were on a mini-landing. The sensuous kisses and Marian moaned as Cullen's hand found her core with his fingers. Arching her back, Cullen supporting her lower back, Marian's nails dug into his skin. He answered the pleasurable response by sealing his mouth at the juncture of her throat and shoulder, sucking on the skin hard as his fingers slid into Marian with a deep, pressing thrust.

With the dress gathered up at her hips, Cullen laid his leg between Marian, claiming his wife there on the stairs. Marian tried to grab at Cullen, wanting him in her but he batted her hands away. It wasn't long before Marian tensed, her panting coming short, as Cullen drove the woman over the edge and pressed beyond it. Kissing her softly, Cullen looked down at Marian, a smirk on his face.

"Don't think for a minute that I am done with you, Viscount."

"I hope not, Knight-Commander!" Marian chuckled, drawing Cullen's mouth to hers.

"Can we please make it to the bedroom with no further interruptions?" Cullen's hazel-green eyes glittered with silent laughter.

"Of course."

With that agreement, Cullen pulled back, scooping Marian back into his arms and continued the ascent up the stairs and to the bedroom.

-}[]{-

The fire burned low, crackling and popping as the great log continued to fall in the grate as it turned to hot ash. The room smelled of spice and sex, a thoroughly satiated couple laying in each other's arms, blankets and sheets kicked off the large bed. Cullen had one hand behind his head, eyes closed and enjoying Marian's touch as her fingers ran over his damp skin. Marian had her head propped up, watching the flicker of a smile play across the man's mouth. She was struck by how beautiful he was when Cullen was like this. After years of trying to grow out a full goatee, Cullen gave up and went completely clean-shaven. It made him appear younger than his thirty-five years.

"I love you, Cullen." Marian told him softly, her eyes looking seriously at him as he opened his eyes to gaze her.

"I love you, Marian." Cullen smiled the smile that first melted Marian's heart when she first saw him on the Wounded Coast.


End file.
